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CGerth
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Published September 03, 2012

 

    Here are some takeaways and observations from the

 

         2012 Republican National Convention.

 

Mellow yellow…

Note to anchorpersons from the chilly Northeast that went to Florida to cover convention – monitor your tanning booth time - have limits - some of you were sporting a weird shade of yellow.

 

Yo soy Republican…

The loneliest guy at the convention was the guy holding up a “Hispanics For Romney” placard. 

 

With friends like these…

The perplexed look on Governor Romney’s face as future GOP up and comers and rotund party heavyweights touted their own resumes and accomplishments for three quarters of their allotted speech time. Must be very comforting to have your rivals waiting out in the tall grass for you to fail.

 

Blood is thicker than all your screw-ups combined…

The only single mention of George H. Bush at all that I heard was from a Bush family member, Jeb Bush.  And it was rather a tepid acknowledgement at best.  Maybe Jeb is mad that George had screwed up this country so badly that it will be until 2016 or 2020 until someone with the last of Bush could run for the White House again.  Ah, the memories.

 

The Going Off Script Award goes to…

Juan Williams of Fox News who trashed Mrs. Romney’s testimony to her husband’s human side and and all other aspects of her speech including her declarative love of all the women out in the country and possibly the universe as well.  Mr. Williams did not appear later in the broadcast.  If he did I missed it.

 

The telegraph lines are down…

I absolutely loved Tom Brokaw’s fond reminisces of covering the first Lincoln-Douglas debates as a cub reporter.  Just kidding.  But I think he has stayed too late at the party - makes you long for a Katie Couric election special - now you know I am really kidding.

 

We don’t need no stinking papers…

I was wondering how the GOP, with its big tent, run by fat and jowly white guys, is going to convince the growing Latino voting population that the voter suppression laws that the GOP are proposing around the nation are in their best interest.  Gracias por nada.

 

Calling Don Johnson…

The way too hip television anchor guys wearing no socks with loafers on the tube as they try to groove along trying to “kick it yo” in Florida.  It must be a media thing.  I tried it with some old wingtips I had - very uncomfortable. 

 

Yeah, but they sat in the front of the bus…

According to speeches I listened to from this convention, apparently only Republican great grandparents and grandparents were poor and struggled and worked hard and relied on public transportation to get around.  I never knew that. How does all that feckless blather dare to even compare itself to the struggle of African-Americans to be allowed even to board a bus or let alone to be served at a lunch counter or to have the right to vote?  What a load.

 

Shades of Blazing Saddles…

Did you see Mitt Romney’s absolutely shocked face as he bumped in to MSNBC’s reporter Ron Mott on the rope line where Governor Romney was shaking hands and giving the wink-and-the gun insider stuff to all the predominantly white folks lining the way to the stage.  The reason it was so priceless because Mr. Mott is an African-American.  Mitt had that “How did he get in here?” look on his face.

 

Shecky Eastwood…

It easy is to see the intent of Mr. Eastwood’s bit with the empty chair and all.  It looked a big hit with the kind of puzzled crowd and they gave him quite a big break because he is of course, Clint Eastwood.  Perhaps before Mr. Eastwood attempts to book a tour of national comedy clubs, he should remember what Dirty Harry said,” A good man always knows his limitations.”  Wucka-wucka!

 

WWE international steel cage match…EAST vs. WEST…

A real sour note was Mitt Romney’s tough guy message to Vladimir Putin of Russia.  Mr. Deferment sure acts tough now, but he wasn’t so tough when his country called him to duty so many years ago.  Let’s reignite the Cold War and invade Iran to keep the Military Industrial Complex vital and alive.  Remember, kids, a good war creates employment and a vibrant economy.

 

Is that your stimulus plan or are you just happy to see me…

There were unsubstantiated reports of exotic dancers getting stiffed by lap dance seeking conventioneers.  There’s a switch.  According to word of mouth accounts, some lap dances lasted all of three seconds when the recipients of such artistry went “uh uh oh oh” and then brushed the dancer from their laps and made for the men’s room all flushed faced, goofy convention buttons and all.  At least there were no “wide stance” shenanigans reported from area airport men’s room stalls.

 

Hand me down my traveling shoes…

Let’s see what fun the DNC has in store for us next week.  Stay tuned.

 

 

 

 

 

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