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April 28, 2011

Again, No.

Here are more reasons the world is not going to end in 2012:

1. "Family Radio"

   There is a rumor going around in certain parts of the Christian Church that the world will end on Oct 21st, 2011. I suspect they are just trying to beat the Mayan's to the punch...as if historically the Christians haven't beaten Native Mesoamerica enough. The explanation takes some rather stunning leaps of logic based loosely on biblical passages. My particular pet legerdemains are these:

 a. The second coming of Christ, according to them, will be 7000 years after the flood of Noah... the bible says 7 days, and in another passage the Bible says a day is "as a thousand years" to God. Not "is the same as" but "is like" a thousand years.

 b. The Flood took place in 4990 B.C. Just take the Church's word for this.

  So, 4990 (with no year zero) plus 7000 years equals May 21st, 2011, right after your morning cup of coffee. It's a stretch, I know. Throw in 5 months of tribulation, and the world ends on Oct. 21st, 2011, which just so happens to be the exact day of THE FEAST OF INGATHERING! It will definitely put a kink in your usual Ingathering festivities. It's a coincidence worth telling your therapist about. Just look up familyradio.com. [Be sure to check out the article "Gay Pride: A Sign of The End" where it quotes the biblical passage "Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination" Which obviously means men can have sex with women, but if women have sex with men the women go to hell. It was ok, also, for women to have sex with women, and to this day is encouraged by me.]

2. Hilary and Martin

 Hilary of Poitiers, who's only redeeming quality was the nickname "The Hammer of the Arians," predicted the end of the world in 365 A.D. As you've likely gathered from empirical evidence, he was wrong. His student, Saint Martin of Tours, later predicted the world would end on or before 400 A.D. Clearly, Martin learned well from Hilary.

 3. 1033!

Believing that Christ died in 33A.D., early Christians saw 1033 as the 1000th anniversary. Knowing the Christian affinity with the number 1000, expect to see this again in the year 2033, when the world is still not ending.

I hope what is becoming clear to all would-be end-of-the-world prognosticators is that this game is a lose-lose situation: If you are wrong, and you are, you lose all credibility (usually... sadly there have been exceptions); but if you are right, nobody will be around to congratulate you. To the sane world you will look no different than the bum-cliché in every movie who sports the "the end is nigh" sandwich board. I say no... neigh nigh neighbor. 

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