From the ASK NICOLE series at www.toromagazine.com
My name is Kelsey and I think you’re like the funniest person ever!
My biggest fear in the world is birds (traumatic duck feeding experiences), So my question is what is your biggest fear
Ah yes, those duck birds. A wiley bunch they are. Well Kelsey, you were brave enough to share your fear with me, so here comes mine.
Everything about it scares me.
Dark basements make me turn into a ten year old who thinks there's some creepy ghost that only I can see living in the furnace Home Alone styles.
Dark Chocolate scares me because I started hearing that it's good for me which makes me think there's a big conspiracy with like Cadbury and the Health Board, because, come on... it's chocolate! The point is it's NOT good for you, and THAT is what makes it a treat. After telling us it's bad for decades, what, other than a nice big bribe can make dark chocolate good for me all of a sudden? Hmm?
Dark Tanning Lotion terrifies me because I never want to look like this:
Dark nightclubs, scare me because the "coke demons" with their grinding jaws and delusions of grandeur can be hiding anywhere. Lurking, just waiting to pounce and ask me "hey, sniff sniff, do you party?" and when I answer “only if you mean a la Barbie paper plates and little cone hats with a chin strap that was somehow constructed with thin elastic razorblades”... they look at me like "I" am the one with the problem.
SIDE TRACK TRIVIA: Nicole when was the last time you REALLY wore a party hat?
ANSWER: Two weeks ago.
And finally I think I found our co-arch nemesis Kelsey, and that would be Dark Wing Duck. Disney character. Related to Donald and his three nephews. One part Dark, one part Duck, all parts terrifying.
I’m going to go sit on my bed with the lights on and a flashlight incase the power fails now.
Thanks for writing, and as always,