Forget healthcare. Forget entitlements. Forget tax reform. We've been fighting tirelessly over the same issues for the past six months. I don't want Mitt Romney to be president because he's a dork.
There. I said it. He's a loser. This is what it comes down to. Maybe it's because all other points of contention have been worn out by pundits on TV spitting out the same talking points political roundtable after political... [shoot me]. Or maybe it's because these two vastly differently visions have confused America to such a degree that we're willing to say "F it, let the bumpkins in Ohio decide this one." Whatever the reason, THE most important issue of today is our nation's cool factor - and one guy is clearly cooler than the other.
Is this so wrong? We need pride in our nation. We need people at home watching the State of Union on TV saying, "THAT'S my mothaf*ckin president". One of the biggest drivers of economic growth is consumer sentiment (or as it's known in the swing state of Ohio, the "how ya'll people feel number"). If we really want to grow our economy and get unemployment back under 5%, we have to feel good. We need a commander in chief who, sure, fixes problems and stuff, but it's pretty important that he looks good doing it. Much like FDR (cool had a different set of criteria back then), Obama can inspire Americans to move forward, and he can do it with swag.
I'll be honest, if Romney asked me to do something, I'd be like "shut up weirdo, you make me feel uncomfortable. Now go back and get Bush Jr., cuz at least I could talk to that guy." Then I'd kick him in the shins, high five my ethnically diverse group of friends, and then tweet about it - of which the latter two actions would shatter his world.
So you can keep arguing about prudent governance and the fiscal cliff, and you can even vote for Romney because he claims to be more responsible. But remember - America didn’t become America by being responsible. America became America by being awesome.
Kabir Iyengar is a writer and comedian who makes humorous videos and tweets regularly on today's social, political, and economic issues. He holds a B.A. in Economics from the University of Chicago.
Follow him on Twitter @kabiriyengar
Watch his videos on KabirTV