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June 08, 2015

Matthew Dellavedova of the Cleveland Cavaliers was a key cog in the Cavs' win over Golden State for Game 2. That almost beat kissing a girl.

G’day, world! Last night was one of the best of my life. I won an NBA Finals game and then kissed a cool girl right on the lips. Both of those things were incredible, ‘specially the kiss.

If you missed it, I helped my team, the Cleveland Cavaliers, win by making two clutch free throws. I was focused and ready to drain those bad boys, but I’d be lying if I said that while I was on the line I never thought about kissing a good woman.

After the first free throw I was like, “Sweet, I made it.” But then I also thought, “Oh man, if I make this second free throw, maybe a girl will kiss me later.” I didn’t get my hopes up too high, to be honest, because kisses are real rare for most people.

But then I made the shot and we won! Everyone was so happy. For a while I was so happy I forgot about getting a kiss, and just thought about basketball.

That didn’t last for long, though, because kissing always pops back in the brain (sometimes I kiss basketballs and imagine they are girls who like me as much as I like them).

About an hour after the game we headed to the bus. “I guess I’m not getting a kiss tonight after all,” I thought. That was when I saw this awesome girl waving her hands and yelling, “Hey you! Hey you!”

I went over to her, and said, “G’day.” She said, “Great job with the game,” and gave me a smooch as warm as a roo’s pouch on a summer day.

She didn’t just kiss my cheek either, mate — she kissed my whole mouth, top lip and bottom. Both lips at the same time. For a few seconds, too — not just a polite peck. Woo!

After the kiss, I hit the floor like there was a loose ball, but the loose ball was my beating heart. When I came to, she was gone.

Lovestruck like a koala with a tummy full of eucalyptus, I stumbled onto the team bus, and my teammates were like, “What’s going on, did you just kiss a girl or something?!?” And I was like, “I dunno … may-be?” and I smiled, and everyone cheered and gave me high fives and standard, extremely regular handshakes.

One of my teammates, called LeBron, came up to me and said, “A kiss and a win in the same night? That’s what I call a good night.” What can I say? LeBron just scored a three-point swish in the hoop of wisdom.

I never got that wonderful woman’s name, and that’s a shame, because I would marry her right here, right now. Ah well.

I should go — need to prepare for the rest of the Finals, even though a little part of me feels like “what’s the point?” Winning a championship would be great, don’t get me wrong, but nothing’s gonna ever beat that sweet, sweet kiss.

Except, maybe, two kisses. But that’s a bigger pipe dream than winning a championship with one superstar and a bunch of scrubs.