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November 02, 2016
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Here's some surefire ways to make tonight's Game 7 the most memorable sporting event in history.

Tonight’s Game 7 of the World Series between the Chicago Cubs and the Cleveland Indians. Whoever wins tonight will win the championship, but that’s not exciting enough. Here’s some surefire ways to make tonight’s game the most memorable sporting event in history.


  • Every other pitch is underhand.
  • Tinier gloves, huge hats.
  • Every bunt is worth half a point.
  • 40 innings.
  • If the National Anthem is sung in under 30 seconds everyone in the stands wins a Big Mac.
  • The kiss-cam is for FRENCHING ONLY
  • If you’re wearing the jersey of your favorite player you get to bat for them.
  • Home runs are worth triple.
  • If you strike out a Dad yells at you in front of your teammates.
  • Mascots can block bases.
  • T-Shirt cannons sometimes also shoot lava.
  • Fans competing for a foul ball must fight for it in a Terror Dome.
  • Beer is $2.
  • Whichever teams wins, wins baseball forever. Baseball is canceled.
  • The World Series trophy is under one lucky fan’s seat!
  • If a fight breaks out every player’s mom MUST be called.
  • Managers wear electric shock collars around their necks that go off when the opposing team scores a run.
  • All commercials will be replaced by celebrities yelling product names.
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