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March 29, 2009


It's nice to finally have a reason for my life. I was getting a bit down in the dumps trying to figure out what I could have possibly done in a past life to piss off the powers that be to such a measure that they would sentence me to a life working in retail...it was so vexing because it's not like I could have been the only Aztec Priest who threw a few whiny virgins to their firey death down a volcanic, earthen pie hole. And I certainly couldn't have been the only nasty Czar or the only one hiding behind a tree whispering ideas to Joan of Arc...I mean...come on! A life in retail FOR THAT???? No way! So, I was trying to help this nasty Bitch at work in spite of the fact that she could have very easily killed a co worker of mine by placing her things on the steps of a ladder he happened to be USING at the time. I asked her, in my most helpful tone of course, if perhaps I could get a basket for her given that the ladder might not be the best place for those things. I was smiling as I finished this question with a silent "...you stupid twat." Now, I hope everyone knows that a "twat" is the female equivalent of a "dick". A "twat" is a completely self involved, too bored looking to be surly looking punta who asks a question and if the response doesn't match what they desire to hear, they simply rephrase the question in attempt to bring the answer closer to what they want to hear. They barely listen, if they listen at all, after the word "No." Although the inane stupidity of their actions make them fairly easy to recognize in a crowd...I don't think their is enough immediate notice of a twat, so my invention is called "TWADAR". Twadar matches "radar" with a GPS device which can identify twats within a 500 metre radius, giving ample time to find the fastest and most effective route to avoid the twatness. So...if you could have sworn you just heard people in the next room, and when you arrive they have all split, it means you give good Twadar you stupid twat.