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Published December 10, 2010


Actress Winona Ryder was recently quoted as saying, "I don't use the internet, but apparently you can find out everything on it."

Oh Winona. We understand. But we want to encourage you to get online. But yes, it's scary out there. So here are the basics you'll need to know before firing up that modem.

Some Key Websites:

Lemonparty.org. - Pretty much the be all end all for politics on the web. Though they really focus on the elderly politicos in DC.

MeatSpin.com - Actually a great source of nutritional information. I know what you're thinking, Winona. "I read in an AOL Chatroom that the internet was all cats and porn." Don't be so naive. Nutrition and knowledge of which meats are the healthiest options are a vital component of the tech world.

Obviously, you'll want to join Twitter. All the celebrities are doing it. This is a chance for us to know you. Not Winona Ryder the movie star. Winona Ryder the person. But keep in mind you only get 140 characters to work with. Here are some abbreviations you can use that will help immensely:

LMAO - Means "Let's Motivate Against Opposition." I know. Sounds weird, but it's said surprisingly often. You usually use it when something somber has occurred in the news. Like, say you wanted to comment on Elizabeth Edwards' death and you want to take a stand against breast cancer. You could tweet "Elizabeth Edwards died from breast cancer today. LMAO."

WTF - This is an abbreviation for "Winona's Top Film." When you join twitter, you'll notice that much of the conversation is about you! We love you on the internet. So your best bet is to get in on the action. People are starving for celebrities talking about themselves; so give them what they want. And get right to the point. You should just comment on your own films. Tweet "Girl, Interrupted. WTF." People will agree.

Once you've familiarized yourself with those websites and you're part of the Twitter community, you're ready to engage in a healthy discussion in what the internet refers to as "Message Boards." But before really going toe to toe with the big boys, you'll want to start with something rudimentary. A beginner's message board, per se. 

We'd recommend 4chan. Specifically the /b/ board. Just tell them you're Winona Ryder and you love children and we're sure you'll be welcomed with open arms. And by open arms, we mean pictures of cute kids.

Hopefully, this will get you going. If you have any questions, just send an email to the nice Nigerian man who keeps contacting you.
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