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June 25, 2011

A brief, one sided discussion of the Congressman Anthony Wiener situation. Also touching on relationships, pregnancy, and the author’s lack of timing, couth, sensitivity and grasp of the facts.

Ladies, this latest scandal in the news (or I think is in the news(( to be honest I heard some things in the back ground while I was sleeping with the TV on and pieced it together))) Anyway a Congressman named Wiener texted pictures of his wiener to a few women who were not his wife. And other people: congressmen and women, news people, and talking heads(all people who probably have done worse but were not caught yet) were calling for him to step down. He stepped down just in time too because his wife, who works for Hillary Clinton, was about to come home. And trust me, you women are really understanding when your man has lost his job.

Close enough? Not bad for not paying attention. What I do pay attention to is you. “Why would he do that?” “How could he do that to his poor pregnant wife?” “Men are pigs!” “Why didn’t you do the dishes?” “I’m tired, don’t bother me with that thing!”

Let’s address a few of these questions. His wife Huma Abedin is a successful, powerful (personal aide to Hillary Clinton), intelligent, and attractive woman. What more could he want. Well all that stuff is great but the reason Wiener married her is because he loved plowing her. I bet she did some exotic things early in their relationship that involved dexterity and flexibility. That’s the way you catch a spouse, men buy expensive things for women and women put out, it’s nature at work. The final decision to marry is usually a quick one, for the women it’s when she sees the ring, the guy usually makes up his mind during a blow job.

Let us go on to the old cliché Men are pigs. GIVE IT UP! I mean it, give it up, put out, make the beast with two backs, put tab A into slot B, let the adventurer into the Golden Palace of the Himalayas. If you think your man will stray because he wants sex “all the time“…then give it to him! Problem solved. If expressing your love for him physically is too much of an imposition then you’re the one with the problem.

I’m getting to my point, but let me say two things. First, Anthony Wiener was wrong for what he did, he made an oath to Huma Abedin and he broke it. Second I’m glad he stepped down, not because what he did was immoral, no, it was a bad decision to take those pictures and text them…and he is supposed to be an elected decision maker! That said, my point is what has she done to keep romance alive? I mentioned she was pregnant. Sex for procreation is awful, it consists of the woman flopping on the bed spreading her arms and legs and saying “Get it over with”. You Ladies who are mothers or are pregnant (but not by accident) will back me up on that. The sex itself is clinical and joyless. It’s kind of like golfing when you have to crap, you know you should be enjoying yourself but there is something else you’d rather do. Ladies, men need more than a quick romp every nine months.

That brings me back to what has she done to work on their relationship? Has Ms Abedin ever told Mr Wiener that he was sexy. Did she pinch his bottom when he walked by. When was the last time she welcomed Anthony home wearing nothing but high heels, matching garter belt and stockings while touching her toes and balancing an ice cold dry gin martini with three olives on her ass. Or the last time she gave him a simple hand job under the table while having dinner with the Clintons. Small gestures like that would have let him know that she still valued him and was still interested in him.

You may still think men are pigs, I think men are in love with love. If you don’t believe me, try the following experiment. Put on your shortest skirt, or tightest pants(those spandex leggings are good), a low cut shirt and a pair of sunglasses. Then go for a walk around town, look at the faces of the men you pass. What will you see in those leering eyes and the slack jawed gawks? That’s right, Love. And when they don’t get love from the women they love …it leaves a hole in their heart, a vacuum and nature abhors a vacuum. Over time they will try to fill that hole. Some men have affairs to fill it, some go to whores, some text there weenie to anything in a skirt, some give up on love and turn to the internet and their hand, and some write long winded, pompous open letters.

In conclusion, I want to thank you women for reading this. I hope you don’t judge too harshly, but most of all I hope I inspired you to go to your husband, boyfriend, stalker, or guy at work with whom you exchange pleasantries, sit on his face and say “I value you, I’m sorry we don’t have sex everyday, but that’s going to change.”