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July 11, 2008


When I was a child, I was subjected to watching the Sound of Music umpteen times, it was apparently my mothers favorite movie and she felt the need to make it mine. The result didn't lead me to an alternative lifestyle, but did thrust me into the world of Musical Theatre.

My first gig outside of High School was in an all white Community Theatre production of The Wiz. I played an evil Winkie in which I wore a potatoe sack, an eye patch, a roman Centurian Helmet and carried a whip. Winkies were the witches henchmen, they were also slaves who are later freed by Dorothy when she kills the Wicked Witch. If you're familiar with the show, "Brand New Day" is the Winkies freedom song. During that song, the Winkies emerge from their Potatoe sacks wearing nothing but g-strings and bikinis and sing and dance. Kind of erotic for a childrens show, but that's another story. However, the whole Winkie thing will tie back into this blog as you read on.

Back to The Sound of Music...

My favorite part of the Sound of Music is when the Von Trapp's escape from the Nazi's. I hate Nazi's, but they sure did have cool uniforms. Did you know they were designed by Hugo Boss? Did you also know that Mercedes Benz, Porche and Volks Wagon designed and built their tanks and jeeps? Those Nazi's were stylish assholes, they can very well be the earliest form of Douche Bag known to man.

I played a Nazi once in a production of Cabaret. However, I was a Nazi in a suit and not in a cool Nazi uniform designed by Hugo Boss. I was greatly dissapointed. I probably would have enjoyed my role in the Wiz a lot more if I could have worn an SS uniform and toted a machine gun rather than a potatoe sack packing a whip. To this day I have yet to play a role which warrants me to wear an actual Nazi uniform.

However, I did come close once. A friend of mine was directing a comunity production of The Sound of Music. He was short on Nazi's and wanted to cast me as the head Nazi. It was a tempting offer indeed. Not only would I finally be able to don a Nazi uniform on stage, I would also be bossing (no pun intended) the other Nazi's around. Unfortunately I had to turn him down. At this point, my carreer in Musical Theatre had excelled to Dinner Theater and was now a paid actor and would not regress, not even to fulfill the unfulfilled dream of wearing a Nazi uniform on stage.

Disclaimer: This blog in no way glorifies or supports the Nazi Party. If you're a Nazi and reading this - I hate you.