ANAHEIM, CA— 19-year-old Cody Riggs is leaving his marijuana dealer, Jason Rickles, after the repeated showboating of botany facts has become too insufferable for the young Pizza Pi delivery driver. Cody confirms their bi-weekly meetings rarely go without an impromptu lecture from Jason covering everything from strain lineage to growing techniques. These lectures, clearly serving no other purpose than to degrade Cody for holding no advanced degrees, have become a demoralizing element of their frequent transactions.
“I can’t think of a single time I’ve gone to his apartment and left without feeling like a piece of shit.” Said a morose Cody. “I was there last week for a pick up and as soon as I told him I needed a dub he immediately went off about percentages, the country of origin and started rattling off all these different names I’ll never remember. He babbled a bit about CBDs which I’m guessing is whatever comes after you get your PHD. I try my best to tune it out but he just keeps going. Like, I get it man. You obviously went to college and have a big fancy Botany degree but you don’t need to throw it in my face. Not all of us have extra money to spend like that.” Said a visibly frustrated Cody as he struggled to zip a bag stuffed with $200 worth of Afghan Kush.
Although Cody pointed out Rickles has yet to actually bring up ever attending an institution of higher education it is made abundantly clear with the gaudy display of technical knowledge.
“Oh yeah, Cody is a cool dude. I like him a lot so I do my best to explain the different strands and types of highs whenever he comes over. He kinda drifts off though when I start talking, probably because I’m not as smart as Cody and I bore him. I have a pretty strong hunch he’s a math major or president of Math Club at the local college here. He always wears this polo shirt with a Pi symbol and smells like pizza. Those college kids sure do love their pizza!”
Rickles, who believes his intellectual shortcomings are to blame for Cody’s recent absence, has pledged not to lose another customer due to his lack of education and will be joining UC Irvine’s Botany program this fall.