Your account will be hacked. Random penis-enlargement emails will be sent to all your contacts. When you call EarthLink to complain, customer service reps who barely speak English will insist you’re mentally-unstable. They’ll reluctantly run through the same 46 steps they’ve been taught to follow in all situations, and, after you’ve completed this tedious process, hang up on you. You’ll call back, go through the same 6-hour ordeal, only to be hung up on again. You’ll call back yet again, threatening to kill everyone in their Bombay office, tying your phonecard around your neck, and randomly firing off a semi-automatic weapon in your apartment while punching yourself in the nuts. At this point they will tell you there is nothing they can do. And you thought Hotmail sucked!