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June 23, 2008
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In the final days of his presidency, Ronald Reagan signed a bill into law, allowing raccoons to carry guns. Today, they hunt humans as sport.

Raccoons are the reincarnated spirits of ninjas.

William Shakespeare based Romeo and Juliet on the mating ritual of raccoons.

Raccoons have been proven to be excellent artists. The Disney animated division has kept them employed since 1967.

The male raccoon is a generous lover, and have the 13 inch long penis to prove it.

A raccoon came up with the A-Team.

Raccoons may seem like they pick through garbage for food, but in reality, they are looking for yellow cake uranium.

Jurassic Park was based on a true story about the raccoon mutiny at a Wisconsin zoo.

Raccoons made those lemon squares you liked that one day.

A beaver pissed off a raccoon once, and was gunned down. And that was how the Taliban took over Afghanistan.

Raccoons love taffy, and hate white women.

Raccoons made up the roster of 1984 Chicago Bears.

Raccoons wear masks, so do superheroes. Congratulations, motherfucker, you just ran over Batman.

Raccoons hate it when you go "Hoojacucujuuu, hoojacucujuu", that's why I don't have eyelids.

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