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November 30, 2011

American servicemen will travel to Iran to take part in "Occupy" protests there.


A group of active-duty members of the United States Army, Navy, Air Force and Marine Corps are currently on their way to Iran to participate in Occupy Iran, which a State Department spokesman said is a series of peaceful protests against economic disparities, malevolent corporate aggression and the illegal and unethical activities by the financial sector worldwide. The protests will be centered in Tehran, the Persian Gulf nation’s capital.

Unusual for a highly political demonstration, the United States government has agreed to let the participating US servicemen travel to Iran using military air, sea and ground transportation, including a carrier group and several tank divisions.

“If America stands for anything, it’s for the right to free speech, to question authority and bring different ideas and perspectives into the public realm for all to consider,” said spokesman Edgar Printstack at the State department yesterday morning. “We believe that this should be the case for all people throughout the world. Why wouldn’t we help our proud men and women in uniform to make this amazing trip and join in this amazing moment in history?”

Printstack says that more soldiers, sailors and airmen are headed for Iraq/Iran border and the waters of the gulf in the next two weeks.

The participating servicemen appear to be more than excited to take part in the protest.

“We truly are the 99%,” said Air Force pilot Lt. Marcus Presby. “The banks and politicians who have been stealing from us and screwing us over for decades need to know that everyone, including military personnel, are not afraid to stand up to them. Especially if they’re located in Iran.”

Marine corporal Thomas Wrente agreed. “We’re the ones who do the hard work, and it’s time we gave the fatcats a piece of our mind.

“And,” added Wrente, “this is especially true of fatcats in Iran.”

Despite assurances from the US government, the Iranian government has said that they have not authorized “occupy” protests of any kind nor allowed active-duty American military personnel to travel to the oil-rich country.

“Iran has no need of such protests, especially with American participation,” said Muhammed Pomsauri, press secretary for Iran’s United Nations ambassador. “We have no poverty or class conflict, no homosexuals and no nuclear weapons.”


Speaking with reporters in New York yesterday afternoon, Pomsauri also said that the Islamic Republic of Iran is free of “STDs, carjacking, spam, ATM fees, unattractive women and NASCAR.”