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April 09, 2015

Seven other celebrities who've had issues at airports lend Alyssa Milano their support. DMX, Sir Paul McCartney, Courtney Love, Naomi Campbell, Harry Connick Jr., Snoop Dogg, and Carlos Santana have all had trouble with the law in airports. Here's what they have to say to Alyssa Milano.

Snoop Dogg

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I can’t believe that shit, mayne. I was in that very same airport not 2 long ago and those bitches tried to shut me and my entourage down. Next thing I know, we had a fight. Some police were hurt, one broke a hand, but what hurt even more than that fight was hurtin’ our vibe in there. British Airways even said we were never able to fly with them in the future. I know me flying in the 2004 movie Soul Plane also was just acting, but shit, I haven’t ruled it out for reals. So, Alyssa I feel you. You were just trying to get some of your favorite drank through security and they shut you down. Shit’s not right.

Carlos Santana

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Alyssa, Alyssa. You remind me of a Santana story. So sorry to hear of your troubles with the airport and your stash of baby’s milk. But honestly, you didn’t even try to hide it? From the reports I read it sounds like you just had it out for the TSA to see? You’re clearly a beautiful lady, and up until now I thought you had the smarts too, but honestly you didn’t even try to hide that shit? Man, when I was arrested in Houston for marijuana possession upon my return from Mexico I had that shit hidden deep in my bag in an empty film canister. I ended up not even being charged by the authorities! Next time you try to smuggle that stuff in the airport and overseas, let me know and I can send you several empty film canisters, for real. Or you can just conceal it in your titties. Ahora vengo mama chola mama chola.


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WHAT!? Same damn airport I had my run in with. WHAT!? Much like you ‘Lyssa, I was just trying to do my thang, it made me pissed.WHAT!? They wanted me to keep my seatbelt on the whole time. WHAT!? Ha, oh damn, this shit all rhyme! WHAT!? DMX doesn’t answer to nobody, just like you.WHAT!? You wanted your shit on the plane, that’s how you do. WHAT!? Respect.

Harry Connick Jr.

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White profiling, am I right? It’s me, Harry Connick Jr. here. In case you’ve been living under a rock, I’m a famous musician. Maybe not as famous as J.Lo and Keith Urban, but we all were on American Idol, so… yea, maybe I am that famous. It’s been a while since my run in at the airport, but I can’t help but notice the similarities between our experiences. I was just 24 at the time and was going through security at Kennedy International. Just like you, I had with me something that I was passionate about, my gun. UNLOADED! Just a little semi-automatic pistol. And those f*cks had the nerve to book me and charge me with a misdemeanor, fourth degree possession of a weapon? And now I see how they’re treating you, throwing away you hard earned breast milk? Let’s say you and me reach out to the NAACP for white people.

Sir Paul McCartney

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I feel your pain, Alyssa, I really do. In 1980 I got caught with a lil’ bit of marijuana at Tokyo International Airport. I had to go to jail for nine whole days! That’s a bit of a long time, ya know? Nine days for just a little fist-size bag of Mary J? Are you proper kiddin’me? Well, consider yourself lucky there, lad. You had all that breast milk and all they made you do was throw it away? Nicely dun. This letter comes with love, from your friend Paul.

Naomi Campbell

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Sister, I just don’t get it. It’s like Heathrow is just out to get all of us super famous and good-looking people! Don’t they know we’re above the law? I hear you got some slack for trying to smuggle in some breast milk. Those bastards at British Airways lost my damn luggage, I got a little heated, and they arrest me? Mmm hmm. They banned me from ever flying with them again AND I had to serve community service in New York. Count your lucky stars, girl. If I’ve learned anything from my incident, it’s to follow all the rules unless you want to subject yourself to filthy undeserved community service.

Courtney Love



Oh, my gawd. What is it with this fuckin’ airport? Heathrow got me too, girl. Seriously. I just had a little misunderstanding with the cabin crew mid-flight, got a little abusive (whatever), cussed at some bitch, etc. and they had the gall to keep me in custody for nine hours? Fack that, noise. And YOU? I mean, holy shit, I get it.So you want to keep some titty milk for your mid-flight cookies, who doesn’t? And they wouldn’t even let you? Ew, what monsters. You don’t deserve that at all. Take it from me, Ms. Milano, when it comes to flying and planes, I’m somewhat of a geneius.

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