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April 24, 2015

It seems Google has once and for all captured definitive evidence of the famed Loch Ness monster.

Google has joined the hunt for the famed Loch Ness Monster! With the aid of a boat, 360 degree cameras, and a crew of divers, they recently added the mysterious Scottish Lake to Google Maps Street View. Let’s take it for a spin, shall we?


OK, here we are on Loch Ness. Pretty cool, huh? Let’s explore…


Wow, this place is so spooky! I just know we’re gonna find us a monster today. I can feel it!

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Hmm, no Nessie sightings so far. Let’s check underwater…

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Whoa! Did you see that? In the upper left! Wait, is that…?

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Holy cow it’s the Loch Ness Monster! And he’s … OH MY. Wow. OK. Um, geez. Just look at the thing! That’s gotta be like six feet long! Fuck. Should we be here? This feels wrong. Err…


Oh no I must have scared him off! Where’d he go? Nessie come back!

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Damn, well, let’s check back on the surface. Maybe we can spot some ripples on the water…

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Aw fuck, are you kidding me? Dude, can you strap that thing to your flipper or something? No? You’re just going to splash it in the water without a care in the world? Christ. You know children can use Google maps, right? A seven-year-old could be doing research for a Scottish history project and stumble upon you proudly wagging around your manhood like this. That doesn’t bother you at all? No? Ugh, you really are a monster. You’re a sick, disgusting perv monster and I hope we never find you again.