Wall Street Freeze Tag

by Gregory Quinn

Some things you were just better at as a child. Everyone knows that. The hard part is realizing when you’re no longer a child and accepting your eroded ability.

Me? I’m by all legal guidelines an adult, but I don’t see myself as one, and I certainly don’t refer to myself as an adult. I’m 25 years old, but do you know the last time I prepared a meal for myself that required utensils to eat? Let’s just say you probably had no idea who the fuck Barack Obama was.  

Knowing that, it shouldn’t come as any surprise I felt no compulsion towards two-straight hours of epic freeze tag on Wall Street, even though my previous period of extended cardiovascular activity occurred during the height of the swine-flu epidemic.  “Run around the streets non-stop mere minutes after a bagel sandwich and a large coffee?” I ask myself. “Bring it on.” 

Week Six:

I wasn’t sure I was in the right place, then I saw him and I knew. The skinny man in red jeans and Snidely Whiplash mustache just had to be the host. It takes a certain type of person to organize a giant game of freeze tag on the streets of the world’s economy, and that type of person would definitely have a devil-may-care mustache.  

The man’s name was Matt Levy, and this sort of brouhaha is his family business.  Levys’ Unique New York is a family of tour guides offering private and group tours to a myriad of New York City sights and landmarks. In addition to tours, Levys’ UNY hosts a monthly activity in the city, typically something offbeat or weird. This past Sunday at high noon, they hosted a giant game of freeze tag mere steps from the Federal Building and the United States Stock Exchange.   My choice for this week’s Don’t Mind the Maggots event was a no-brainer. 

First thought, 12:03 pm: Hell yes! I still got it, baby! What’s that? You want to tag me? Well here, I’ll extend my hand toward you to give you hope. Oh, still can’t get it? What if I stop, maybe take a seat, hmmm? Ohhh! Too slow!  

At first there was only a dozen or so people playing. Despite a whole city-block to work with, a guy named Branson still managed to barrel into an unsuspecting pedestrian, crashing her to the concrete and spilling her coffee.  “Fuck you, Ass Hole!” she spits as she marches off, sans beverage.  

With such a small crowd, being IT is a veritable nightmare.  Thankfully, people soon start trickling in in droves.

Second thought, 12:18 pm: Phew…this is getting tiring. How long we been playing, 45, 50 minutes? 18. OK. Cool. I think I’m going to take a little breather here behind the mailbox. God those pretzels smell good. 

Undercover of the mailbox, I am busted and promptly tagged. I am now frozen. The rules of freeze tag dictate I stay frozen until someone unfreezes me with a tag of their own.  Much to my chagrin, I’m unfrozen seconds later, and forced back on the lamb. One more additional tag and I will be stricken IT. 

Third thought, 12:25 pm: I’m hit! Ok, I’m IT now. Have to count to ten before I can give chase. Take your time, Quinn. No reason this can’t take a half hour. One…Two… oh, my shoe’s untied. Better take care of that… 

Good news: The Wall Street freeze tag group has swelled to maybe 50 participants, making tagging much easier. Bad news: No thunderously obese or one-legged people are playing.   

Fourth Thought, 12:31 pm:  Shit! Being it sucks. How much longer do I have to do this? Is there no mercy rule! Screw this, I’m just gonna tag this 5 year old kid. Sorry, pal! You’re IT, now!

Two more people collide. One poor girl takes a digger right onto the sidewalk, then gets right up and continues running. She seems far more relieved to be not tagged then not seriously injured. I could never run this event; I would be in constant fear of lawsuits.  

Freeze tag is a stream of consciousness game. There is no structure, no editing. Just continuous action made up on the fly. People filter in an out. Many participants who started the game are finished half-way thru the first hour, constantly replaced by a steady stream of eager bystanders. A few holdovers, me included, carry on. None of them seem particularly gassed. Meanwhile I’m reliving every grade-school gym-class nightmare: the one where fat, gelatinous Gregory Quinn has a massive heart attack on the mile run. (And in front of girls!) 

I am now IT constantly, as it appears the newbies are feasting on the burnt-out original players 

Fifth Thought, 12:53 pm: Ohhh….my side hurts. I think I pulled something. I hate being IT. Oh God, don’t go after the black guy he’s way too fast. Gregory don’t be racist. How is that racist, I was paying him a compliment. Still you’re generalizing. I’m not generalizing - he’s fast! How can you even – oh fuck this. I’m getting a pretzel. 

At one o’clock Matt calls break. Not to rest you see, but to go over the rules of the next game, some mutant variation called “Blob tag.”  In this game, once IT tags a victim, they grab the victims hand and form a double IT. The tandem then has to run around trying to swallow more people up. Once the blob gets to four, IT can split into two smaller groups and so on and so on until everyone is tagged.   I spent the majority of this game trying to be tagged only by attractive women. I habitually failed and wound up running around hand and hand with the sweaty palm of a 45 year- old man I’d never met. 

At some point a man in a Steelers jacket came over and accosted Matt, asking him to leave and threatening to call the police because, as the man said, “people pay taxes here.”  Matt basically told him to screw and the man left, but not before a freeze tagger called him a douche.   God love these people.  

Several other games were played, all variations of tag, all played vigorously. People simply could not get enough. When I left, two hours (!) after we began, they were just getting ready to start a new game. 

Levys’ Unique New York is making a name for itself. Wall Street Freeze Tag was hounded by reporters and photographers, and one young lady, a journalist for the Wall Street Journal, even pulled aside yours truly for an interview. (She was admiring my tag skills, I’m sure.) I admire what Levys’ UNY does with these activities; maybe I’ll become a regular.  If you want info on future events, check out there blog at http://levysuniqueny.com/blog.

Another week, another great event. This one took its toll, however. I guess I’m no kid anymore.

Final thought, 6:55 pm: Ohhh my groin! My grooooooooooooin! When did I black out and ride a mechanical bull for three hours? Why can’t I get off the toilet? Just stand up. UP! Forget it.