Please. Help. Me.
I haven’t slept in months. Every time I close my eyes, everyone I know dies. Every night is a horrific struggle in which all I see are the deaths of everyone I hold close.
My name is Devin Asperger and I don’t have object permanence. That thing that children develop around 5 years old where they’re able to remember that things exist even when they can’t see them? Yeah, I never developed that.
Since starting this, I haven’t blinked once because I’m afraid of losing everyone I know. Later tonight, all of you will die.
One night, I fell asleep while thinking about my girlfriend and inevitably thought she died. When I texted to her, “You’re dead, to me.” She called me and told me to go fuck myself and that we were through. While I was relieved that she was alive, I was confused as to why this was her way of comforting me. I think also could have been clearer in my comma usage.
Although I haven’t checked since I went to sleep last night, my entire family is dead and I still have this condition that I have to cope with. If anyone is able to help, please do.
Now excuse me as I try to sleep a restful night. I will mourn you all now so it will be easier and my screaming will be quieter tonight which will be more polite for my neighbors, who will also be dead.
I’m just waiting for the night where I can’t remember that I exist either.