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May 09, 2012

After Drops of Jupiter, Meet Virginia, and Hey, Soul Sister you would think Train was out of horrible lyrics. That is until you hear their new song 'You Can Finally Meet My Mom.'

Let me preface this article by saying that there is nothing that brings me as much joy as the lead singer of Train comparing a life without his girlfriend to a life without fried chicken. I'm obsessed with Train lyrics.

But now it's too much. On their new album, California 37, track 6 is called ‘You Can Finally Meet My Mom.’ And it's possible I OD’d on Train lyrics. It’s like the most pure Train you could ever find on the streets. It’s like Train sat in a hotel room with the lights off, locked themselves in, and three weeks later emerged with nothing but this song. It’s like Walter White took all of Train’s previous albums and distilled it into a single song. This is the Blue Meth of train songs.

Before you read the lyrics I insist you listen to the song here.

You will regret it. 

And now, the lyrics:

Don’t cry when I die 
When it’s my time I probably won’t die
I’ll just lie down and close my eyes 
and think about stuff 

Well we start off strong. First two lines not only start off with a complete nullification of everything that has been said in the first two lines… but they also manage to rhyme ‘Die’ with ‘Die.’ We then throw the listener off by failing to find another specific rhyme, and settle for thinking about stuff.

These eyes got too wise seen too much of life’s goodbyes 
Should have spent less time making loot
And spent more time in my birthday suit with you 

Train then manages to think of themselves simultaneously as a pirate (loot) and an old man from the mid to late 1940’s (birthday suit). If either of these words/phrases were used in another person’s song I would say they were reaching to try to find a rhyme. Somehow they use both to rhyme with each other. The ‘With you’ is also eerily reminiscent of ‘And you…’ from Drops of Jupiter.

And everybody upstairs, everybody downstairs 
I’m not gonna have time to hang out with them 

Good specificity. We now know we’re on a mid level floor.

‘Cause I’ll be hanging out with you 
Not Jimi Hendrix, Jesus, or the dude 
who played the sheriff in Blazing Saddles

Train Member One: “Quick name some dead people.”
Train Member Two: “Jimi Hendrix. Jesus. That dude from Blazing Saddles… should I look him up?”
Train Member One: “No.” 

You, not Chris Farley, Mr. Rogers, and oh I’ve waited so long 
You can finally meet my mom

Train’s Girlfriend: “Say something romantic.”
Train: “If we were in heaven I’d ignore Chris Farley and Mr. Rodgers so I could spend more time with you. Oh, since we’re talking about heaven…” 

Life is good, with love it’s better 
Even Beiber ain’t forever

Great qualifying statement for how love makes life better.

We all got to go you know 
So you might as well go in style
Everybody prayin, everybody singing 
I’m not gonna have time to hang out with them 

I’ve tried to figure this verse out. I can’t make heads or tails of it.

‘Cause I’ll be hanging out with you 
Not Gilda Radner, Buddha or the dude 
who had pop rocks and soda at the same time 
You, not Jessie James, Paul Newman, and oh I’ve waited so long
You can finally meet my mom 

This is the first and only time you’ll see Buddha in a list next to ‘The guy who ate pop rocks and coke’.

I’m not making light of things 
but who’s to say who’s right with things like this 
There’s so much that we miss 
tryin so hard to be rich and famous, 
pretty and thin, to win 
It’s a shame that youth is wasted on the young
So forget everything and just be with me here and now 
for as long as we can, and whoever goes first save a spot 

…heaven is first come first serve?

You, not Etta James, Bob Marley or the girls 
who won my heart along the way

If I’m reading this correctly… did Train murder all of their former girlfriends?

you, not Sitting Bull, Ella or Bach and I almost forgot
Oh, and I almost forgot 
You can finally meet my mom 
You can finally meet my mom 
You can finally meet my mom 
You can finally meet my mom 

No Steve Jobs or Ty Cobb, no Al Capone or any other mob

1. Too soon. 2. After watching Ken Burns’ ‘Baseball’ I highly doubt he’s in heaven. 3. Al Capone is known to be the most famous mob of all time.

Whitney Houston, no Chet Baker, Andre the Giant or The Undertaker

The Undertaker isn’t dead.

Just you 
You can finally meet my mom 
You can finally meet my mom 
You can finally meet my mom 
You can finally meet my mom

I should point out that all these insisting nags that the girl meet his mom is sung by a Gospel sounding chorus.

When I get married, someone let this song play at my wedding. Regardless of the health of my mother.