When using electricity, it’s important to stay safe. As medical studies and films like Home Alone 2: Lost In New York have proven, failure to do so can cause you to get electrocuted and temporarily turn into a skeleton version of yourself.
As a public service, we’ve answered several Frequently Asked Questions about how to handle getting electrocuted and briefly becoming a skeleton:
HOW CAN I AVOID TURNING INTO A SKELETON WHILE BEING ELECTROCUTED?
The best answer? Don’t get electrocuted in the first place. Protect yourself by avoiding frayed wires, downed power lines, and taser-wielding foes. Also, avoid being a bad man who’s asking for it. Bad men who’ve had it coming for a long time are among the most frequent victims of comical electrocution.
WHAT IF I’M ALREADY BEING ELECTROCUTED — WILL I DEFINITELY TURN INTO A SKELETON?
Eventually, yes. If shocked with a sustained and powerful current of electricity, it’s only a matter of time before you temporarily morph into a skeleton version of yourself. There are actually several distinct stages of zany electric shock, the order of which can be remembered using the acronym “H.I.S.S.”:
Hair frizzes out real big
I’s (eyes) bulge
Smoke comes out of ears, mouth, and anus
I’M CURRENTLY BEING ELECTROCUTED AND JUST REACHED “SKELETON TIME” — NOW WHAT?
Rule #1: Don’t panic. The most important thing to remember about Skeleton Time is that the transformation is ONLY TEMPORARY. Continue to convulse, stammer, and smoke normally until the electricity either runs out or becomes so strong that you are flung backwards through the air. At this point you will most likely be charred and discombobulated, but no longer a skeleton.
WHY IS MY SKELETON STILL WEARING CLOTHES?
You’d think that any current of electricity strong enough to turn a human into a skeleton would also burn off your clothes and hair, but you’d be wrong. No one knows why shirts, neckties, beards, and cigarettes aren’t at all affected by the electricity. The best explanation doctors have come up with is that it’s just sorta funnier this way.
I’M CONFUSED — IS IT LIKE AN X-RAY EFFECT OR DOES MY SKIN ACTUALLY GO AWAY WHEN THIS HAPPENS?
You need to worry less about technicalities and more about the fact that you are a skeleton right now.
MY SKELETON SEEMS WEIRDLY INTO BEING ELECTROCUTED — SHOULD I BE WORRIED?
No. It’s important to remember that skeletons are fucking crazy and, for some reason, often enjoy being electrocuted. In many cases, your skeleton will actually start laughing maniacally as it’s being “shocked silly.” It’s sort of like the skeleton version of when you’re a kid and you get a bad case of the giggles in church — you know it’s the exact wrong time and place to be laughing, but for some reason you just can’t stop.
WHAT IF STAY A SKELETON?
On the rare occasion that your body STAYS a skeleton for longer than the duration of the shock, consult your doctor immediately. If your doctor becomes terrified at the sight of you and refuses treatment, you will be forced to go live in the graveyard with the other skeletons. I’m sorry.
WHY IS IT ALWAYS SO FUNNY WHEN SOMEONE GETS ELECTROCUTED AND YOU CAN SEE THEIR SKELETON?
Doctors still don’t know for sure, but the general consensus is “It just is, bro.”