So you had a baby and you want to make sure he/she never conforms to the man? Congratulations! But what to name this fringe baby????? Here are some suggestions.
The only risk with naming your child Batman is that there is no doubt that it will be the John or Lauren or his/her generation. There will be SO MANY Batmans in their school.
Oh the irony.
3. The Name of the Adult Kickball Exhibition Team You Were On When You Conceived Your Child
This way you will forever remember the time in your life when you simultaneously put off adulthood while also bringing new life into the world.
Might sound normal, but it will actually be a reference to the charitable shoes. Hipsters love donating money if it also allows them to purchase shoes that, despite providing no comfort or support, let the world know you care about developing nations. Not our country, mind you. Fuck them.
5. Pamela Beth
This way her initials will be PBR. (Also requires you to legally change your last name to anything starting with R.)
6. Danger (as a Middle Name)
Though runs a similar risk as "Batman."
After Adam Duritz. Yes, this may seem counter-intuitive since it screams mainstream. BUT, you can tell people one of two things:
1. It's ironic.
2. It's actually a reference to his band The Himalayans, which Adam Duritz fronted prior to forming the Counting Crows. You've probably never heard of them.
8. No Name
Your child can spend his/her entire life saying, "I choose not to label myself."
Nintendo is obviously the nostalgic gaming console of our youth. But that's exactly why you should shy from it. Go with Dreamcast. Not only will it stir up memories of Sega's failed foray into 64-bit gaming, but will allow your offspring to opportunity to grow into the rare hipster/hippie hybrid.
You'll be tempted to name your child Eggers, Faulkner, or Maurice Sendak. But name him/her after your actual favorite author: Judy Blume.
There's no better way of ensuring that your child will follow in your nonconformist footsteps than giving him a name that will make people want to slap him in the face. See also: Asher, Rufus, Atticus, Olive, Romona, Matilda. Then slap them all in the face.
Great, so we're all set, right? Just keep in mind that these children will not care what you name them so just remember to have fun.
- You owe me royalties Dan Abramson!
- I live in Echo Park and I swear to fucking God that I have interacted with at least 12 people in the last calendar year who have middle-named their child "Danger". Gross. I have also met a Chopin, Buster, Errol, Burroughs, Waits (as in Tom Waits) , Rafferty (four children named Rafferty, actually) Chesterfield, and my personal favorite, two year old twins named Polly and Lucy. When inquiring, I learned that these were actually shortened forms of their given names, Polyester and Lucite. Life is hard enough without growing up with the name Rapewhistle Fountainhead. And, Zuzu sucks. I know you grew up with the un-hip conformist name Sara, but Zuzu sucks. It the name of an angry lesbian sex show worker in Portland (true story). Stop "expressing your individuality" through your kids. It sucks and makes you a shitty parent.
- name them something that they can get money in advertising for. Robin Williams named his daughter Zelda,....shes got ads and makes money for supporting legend of zelda games.
- The worst thing about these baby names (and a minor factor that eludes parents) is that these names are totally not acceptable in adults. "Brooklyn RedBull" maybe be a cute baby name, but what will that look like in a job application in twenty years?