Hello everybody! Thanks for reading my “guest blog” here at the FunnyorDie.com website. I’ve never really seen the site before, except for one time when a coworker linked me to a video of a sweet little girl saying just the nastiest things, and I clicked off right away. In any event, to prepare myself for this “guest blog” spot, I clicked around the main site and found out that the little videos and jokes get votes on whether they’re funny or should be murdered.
This got me nervous. I’m just the comptroller for the city of Fresno, California, what do I know about being funny? I tried to think of the funniest person I know, so I could ask them for advice. Then it hit me. My niece Samantha always sends me links to some of the funniest sites on the net. It was perfect. What would be more likely to be voted “Funny” than links to some of the funniest sites on the net? I delved into my Yahoo! email account, and these are the 3 best ones I found. It’s a countdown. 3 is the worst, 1 is the best. 3 is still pretty darn good, though, ;-).
3. Funny and Jokes . com
This is probably the address FunnyorDie originally wanted. I would say that it's a shame that Funny and Jokes got there first, but Funny and Jokes is probably one of the best sites on the net. It's got some of the funniest jokes, right now geared to a slightly older crowd, but the current blurb on the main page says they're looking for more jokes that kids "can remember and tell their friends for a quick laugh." So pretty soon you'll be able to tell your kids about it.
One of the best things about Funny and Jokes is that there is a voting system, and they keep a current list of the highest rated jokes on the main site. These jokes are, as advertised, the cream of the crop. If you can commit one of these bad boys to memory, you can be sure you'll be a popular guy at the office tomorrow. You can check out the site if you want to see all of them, I'll just reprint the #1 joke here. Get ready, because it's probably the funniest one on the site.
And God Said "Let There Be Bridge"
A biker was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, “Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.” The biker pulled over and said, “Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.” The Lord said, “Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for Me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.”
The biker thought about it for a long time Finally he said, “Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand our wives. I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing’s wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy.”
The Lord replied, “You want two lanes or four on that bridge?."
This joke reminds us that there are some things that even the Lord isn't capable of, like making us understand the complete insanity of the innerworkings of the female brain. When I first read this joke, I just laughed and laughed.
2. Funny Cat Pictures
My niece sent me a link to this site and the "L.O.L. Cats" site, but I think this one is better because it just features hilarious and adorable pictures of cats without all the confusing text on top of them. Also, some of the pictures on "L.O.L. Cats" have very bad grammar.
In any event, Funny Cat Pictures has some real gems. If you think that cats can't be cute and funny, then this site will definitely prove you wrong. One of my favorites is this one. It's like "What is that kitty so happy about? What the heck?" Or this one. It's like "Get the heck off that laptop! That's not for a kitty! What the heck?" Or this one. It's like "What the heck are you doing in that box? That's not for a kitty! What the heck?" I could look at these pictures all day, and when Samantha first sent it to me, I did.
1. Fart . com
Samantha didn't actually send me this site, it just happened to be one of the first ones I tried to visit as soon as I got internet. I'm happy I found it myself, because it's probably my favorite site on the net. Scratch that, it is definitely my favorite site on the net. This site has got it all. It's got facts about farts. It's got links to other sites about farts. It's got a section called "Magic" which I haven't clicked on yet although I'm sure it's fun.
But the best section of Fart . com, by far, is the "Fart Sounds" section. This section features "wav" files of over 20 farts (!), broken up into three sections: "Real Farts," "TV and Movie Farts," and "Misc. Fart Stuff." My favorite is probably "Fast Poot," as I think it's a pretty classical fart that can be used on many occasions, but check out the site and I'm sure you'll find a few favorites of your own. You'll probably spend the whole day there, whether it's to trick your coworkers into thinking someone farted, or just listening to different fart noises on your own and having yourself a laugh.
Well, those are the links to what I think are the funniest sites on the internet. I hope that I have given you something fun to forward to your family, friends, and coworkers, and I hope that you'll be kind enough to vote that I'm "Funny" rather than "Die." Thank you.