Full Credits

Stats & Data

October 16, 2012

Easy Answers: Social Security Solvency through Shorter Life (A Tea Party Parody site: www.teapartyhealth.com)

Easy Answers: Social Security Solvency through Shorter Life

You don't need to be a qualified actuarial professional or want to look at the facts of social security to understand that we are supposed to be scared about social security completely failing!

While the right answer is to privatize Social Security and let Wall Street carefully and prudently manage our retirement, certain current Presidents and raging liberals in Congress have a problem with that.

Another solution is just as responsible -- encourage people not to live as long. People pay into Social Security and when they retire they expect to be paid out. So, the sooner a person dies to their retirement date, the more profitable the program.

If people were to die younger, we could save Social SecurityAND our national budget could save a lot of money if we were to reduce the massive funding we put to social programs in this country.

Here are five things YOU can do to encourage others to dies sooner:

1.Support a policy of reducing access to affordable health insurance. 
Yes, people will still go to emergency rooms and that's more expensive, but if a person's sickness has progressed and the emergency rooms become sufficiently overcrowded, I'm sure over many visits we will shave a few years off.

2.Encourage Smoking
We can both help US domestic tobacco sales and save Social Security by removing government intervention in tobacco advertisements. Government effort to reduce smoking is a nice way of saying reducing consumption. Its bad for business, bad for free enterprise, and, as it turns out, bad for Social Security.

3. More War
While there are minor, short term effects to the economy from prudent government spending, we have learned that if you simply don't put the war int he budget, it isn't there. Major problem solved! It turns to war isn't only good for profits, over time it not only has the immediate effect of killing people, but the long-term effect of increasing suicide rates and long-term health conditions that can lead to earlier mortality rates. 

4. Reduce Environmental Restrictions on Business
Polluting has gotten a negative rap over the years. I'd like to correct it.

I don't have to tell you how bad for business the EPA is with their 'its everybody's planet' radical mentality. As we all know, when we buy land we buy the air above the land. We should be able to pollute it to our heart's content. If the wind moves the air over someone else's land -- Act of God. Can't help it. But the point is I owned the land and so I can pollute it if I want.

The hidden benefit of removing pollution standards? Shorter life! That's right. Bad air and water have the added benefit of reducing lifespans. Additionally, this leads to increased purchases of bottled water. 

5. Increase Poverty
By reducing the middle class, we not only get a short term benefit of a slightly higher educated low paid workforce and a reduction in friction in passing essential reforms, we also kill people much faster. removing safety nets for the very poor can speed up their demise. 

So -- without a lot of thinking about it or specialized knowledge we have can develop a game plan which sounds like a great alternative to an effective strategy. If people die after paying into social security but prior to getting a lot out, or best just before retiring, we can have a social security plan that works for everyone (that is left). 

It might become so solvent we can get a tax deduction out of it!