Full Credits

Stats & Data

September 08, 2017

Our top-rated Fantasy Foot Rub picks are in for this week. See who we picked and why.

Below are our weekly NFL Fantasy Foot Rub Rankings.

(This list is for this week only; not the entire season.)


Beastly Foot Massages

1) Marshawn Lynch

Marshawn is a beast, and who wouldn’t want those beastly hands working on your metatarsals? Sure, he might only be massaging your feet “because I’m paid to be here”, but his powerful grip would be sure to give your arches an interview they won’t forget.


Most Valuable Podiatric Rubbing

2) Tom Brady

No one has better control of a football than Tom Brady. And no doubt his magic fingers would steer your feet to the Superbowl of relaxation. That’s why he is one of our top ten foot rub picks for this week.


World Class Foot Stroking

3) Antonio Brown

Nothing would make your “An-Toe-nios” feel better than 5 minutes of this talented receiver working over your tootsies. You’d definitely be catching a break with his hands on your phalanges.


Great Scott! What a Foot Rub.

4) Dak Prescott

Your feet would be thanking you if this Dallas quarterback was “Pres-sing” on them. Dak’s skills at finding the open man would be a big assist in finding that knot in your plantar fascia.


Not Dicking Around With Massage

5) Richard Sherman

A person would “Sher” be lucky to get a foot rub from this all-pro cornerback. His ability to keep up with receivers makes him an excellent pick to maintain coverage of all the tired muscles in your feet.


Cam I Have Some More?

6) Cam Newton

Dogs barking? A foot rub from Cam Newton would make you feel like a “New” person. A great quarterback, he’s got all the necessary tools to give your feet a two-minute drill they won’t forget.


Will School Your Feet - In The Art Of Massage

7) Julio Jones

Your feet will be “Jones-ing” for another foot rub after this all-pro receiver finishes working on them. His bursts of finger speed will have your feet feeling great in 4.0 seconds flat.


Who Wants A Foot Massage? I Drew!

8) Drew Brees

With one of the quickest wrists in the game today, it would be a “Brees” delivering a great foot massage for this perennial Pro-Bowler. Always on target, whether it’s with footballs, or the balls of your feet, Brees is a great pick any week.


Orange Crushing It, On Aching Arches

9) Von Miller

You’re going to “Von” another foot rub after this standout linebacker is done kneading your tender heels. It’s not unusual to feel a “mile high” after Miller finishes tackling your bunyons.


The Brains Behind The Hands Behind The Foot Massage

10) Bill Belichick

This mastermind of five Superbowl victories manipulates feet like only a true champion can. He knows where your feet will hurt next, even before you do. A legend in the annals of foot rubs, he is this weeks tenth and final Fantasy Foot Rub pick of the week.

Your Trusted Source for Faux News