SNL Spec Script for “Equal Time, Unbiased” Trump Sketch
Int. - Trump Tower
Trump: This transition is a big, big success. This cabinet is going to make America Great Again. Everything is going smoothly because I only pick the most popular members. Too bad I have to take a break to meet with that dork, Obama. (rolls eyes)
(Obama enters. Audience boos.)
Obama: Hello, Donald. I sure am a big dork! (Obama adjusts oversized glasses)
Trump: That’s right, you are a dork! This meeting is over! Now, get out of here and send in beloved, Vice President-Elect, Mike Pence!
Obama: Okey Dokey!
(Obama exits and as Mike Pence enters, Pence dumps Obama’s books all over the ground. Audience cheers.)
Trump: Good one, Mike!
Pence: Thank you, fair, just, and smart leader, Donald Trump. Might I add handsome to that list?
Trump: Stop it.
Pence: Oh no, more hate crimes? (chuckles wryly)
Trump: No, not that PC-hooey… (audience cheers). I meant you were making me blush with all those compliments. I am a modest man!
Pence: I will try to be more reserved! I knew you were blushing. I could tell despite your deep, natural tan. Which is not orange at all.
Trump: (begins rubbing hands together and smiling big league so the audience knows a huge joke is coming) So Mike, see any good plays lately?
Pence: Let me think about that for a second… (looks into camera) NOOOOOPE. Just a real STINKER called Hamilton.
(Trump joins Pence in addressing the camera)
Trump and Pence: AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK! IT’S SATURDAY NIGHTTTTTTT
(Opening credits, but only featuring the white cast members.)