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Published March 05, 2011 More Info »
62 Funny Votes
12 Die Votes
Published March 05, 2011

So this one time i jumped on a fosball table and broke it and then it broke me. "An i wasn't even drunk yet when i did it." but afterwards i got drunk.  An am missing a tooth now. An who said wrestling was fake. 

When i get drunk when partying down with chicks i like to pull out my junk and do the helicopter dance with my dick for the ladies. O yes good times good times. 

i like to walk the streets drunk and piss out in public very late a night a lot and a lot of the times the cops get called on me. 

This one time on x-mas i got all drunk and was super loud do karaoke of 80's songs that the cops where called i went to jail on x- mas o yeah ture story bud. Thanks the Law. 

Once got drunk on the beach in the middle on winter and had the cops called on me and my friends. An we all went to jail for the night for having cans on the beach of all things. An they didn't even pick them up. f*cking d*cks. 

This one time i got all drunk a f*cked my so called GF at time "friend" in her dads kitcen and i even wrote a song about it called another boner jam. 

This one time will more than one time and not the same person each time i got sloppy drunk and banged out a fat chick. 

i Once pissed in the back of a cop car.

i Once pissed in the cop shop. 

i Once sh*t my pants. 

i once ate out a chick when she was on the rag and then we banged it out. "Thank you god am STD free." 

i once puked all over my parents bed. 

i once jumped into a fire for a "tat". 

every time i get a hair cut it's when am drunk by some dunk asshole that i know just for some party time fun. 

Ran away from home as a teen. 

Ran away from the cops lots of time and hell am still wanted in the of maryland. But chill out it's only misdemeanor BS. 

Used to skip out on school all the time and go get drunk in the hood party of my sh*tty run down little area am from. An yes i droped out of high as if you couldn't tell. But that is only because my best friend died going into are senior year. But lets not bring up that sh*t ok! 

Me and my on friend gang-banged a junkie chick that we grow up with in are friends garge once and after he got his rocks off i f*cked the sh*t out of her for like 4 hours start untill we fall asleep f*cking and there is even more to this story but lets not get into that sh*t um k. 

Once got blacked out drunk at a metal show lost my friends and the next thing i know some chick i used to know may she RiP woke me up by making out with me and she give me a ride home when here dad picked up from the show back in the old high school days. 

Once got drunk and had my friends ducktape me up and then i went into the gas station in the hood like that just for some fun one night back in the day. 

Yeah this one time i got drunk and f*cked my x in a baseball dugout or was i high that time most likey both as i am most times when drunk. 

Look there are a lot more f*cked up stories like this but lets not get into that stuff um k players. + it's hard to remember some of the stuff to tell you turth. But what ever i don't care. Am 28 years old and don't give a f*ck at all because as a young man punk rock changed my life. But no most nights when getting drunk i keep it cool but some times you f*ckers push me over the edge and that is not a good at all bros for any of us. so take it slow and enjoy yourself so you don't end up acting like a nut like i do from time to time you dig. 

No but really am a dumbass. So don't drink kids just smoke weed. An stay off the drugs for the love of GOD! 

P.S An Hell i wasn't even drunk at all when doing some of this sh*t. Am just f*cked up in the head like that yo. Now who is down for crossbodying some tables with me!? 



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