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November 08, 2017

Manelito and Lance have an unusual working relationship at a golf course.

I intend this to be a recurring sort of comic strip in script format.

Lance is a golf pro who runs a private (members only) golf course and has a short temper. He also has an exalted opinion of himself and likes to lord it over other people. Manelito is a poor Mexican man who came illegally to this country but eventually gained citizenship. Though he works as a golf attendant at minimum wage bringing golf clubs for members when they show up at the club and seeing to their needs (bringing them drinks); Manelito is determined to prove he’s as good as the rich members of the club—-and also Lance, with whom he is often at odds. Lance can’t fire Manelito, though he would if he could. Lance’s boss over him in the big office hired Manelito and likes him. Lance is stuck with him. Manelito knows more English than he lets on to keep Lance off balance and to fool him.

Today a group of visiting golfers from India are going to play. Golf carts are lined up parked and ready for the Indian (guests) to use.

Lance – Where is Manelito?

Staffer – I don’t know

Lance – Go find him

(staffer hurries off)

Lance (angrily to himself) - The lazy good-for-nothing bastard

Golfers from India are arriving carrying their golf clubs. Some of them wear turbans on their heads.

Manelito appears

Lance (angry) - Did you park the (golf) carts this way?

Manelito – Si

Lance – I told you to park them from left to right with the cart that starts at hole one on the left

Manelito – Si

Lance – So why aren’t they parked that way?

Manelito - (points to himself in mock puzzlement) – No right?

Lance – Don’t act stupid with me. You parked the carts in the wrong order. The two golfers who start on hole one their cart should be over there. And the two golfers who start on hole two their cart should be parked next to that one and so on. You got it ass-backward.

Manelito – Ques-es? (What is it)?

Lance – Don’t you know your left from your right?

Manelito – Si I know.

Lance – (sneering) I can call you a stupid wet-back, because I know you don’t know what it means

Manelito – Si pene! (means yes penis, penis is pronounced benny)

Lance – What do you mean Benny? Are you trying to blame this on our groundskeeper Benny Johnson?

Manelito – No senior.

Lance – Then what are you going to do about it?

Manelito – Me park da carts better.

Lance – You bet you will or I’ll run your ass right out of here you understand?

Manelito – Perdon (means sorry, pronounced pardon).

Lance – Yes?

Manelito – Perdon.

Lance – Pardon what?

Manelito – Perdon.

Lance – (yelling) Pardon? What I have to repeat it, you didn’t hear, you don’t understand that you fuc’ed up?

Manelito – Si.

Lance – I think you’re a fuc’ing idiot that’s what I think.

Manelito – Quizas (means perhaps, pronounced kiss-ass).

Lance – (disbelieving) What did you say to me?

Manelito – Quizas.

Lance – Are you’re calling me a kiss-ass?

Manelito – No senior por favor (please).

Lance – (yelling) One word from me and you’re toast, now get over there and check those carts.

Manelito – Si. Come merdia (means shit eater, pronounced come-here-da)

Lance – (angrily pointing at another staffer standing nearby) No don’t yell at him to come here don’t delegate this job to him; you do the job I just told you to.

Manelito – Si.

The Hindu Indian golfers are mounting their golf bags on the back of the carts. On each cart a small paper placard is attached to the front window with the names of the golfers who are to occupy each cart (two golfers to a cart). One Indian golfer notices his name is not on the placard, removes it, and with a pen crosses out the name of a golfer who had to cancel and couldn’t make the tournament. With the pen he writes his own name on the placard in place of the no-show. He reattaches the placard to the golf cart window.

Lance is talking to the Indian golfers attempting to decipher their language and answer their questions. He walks along the line of carts and notices the paper placard with the crossed out name and the new pen-written name in its place. He grabs the placard and flies into a rage.

(Shouting) - Manelito!

Manelito comes running.

Lance – What is this?

Manelito – What?

Lance – That!

Manelito – A piece of paper senior.

Lance (cruelly mimicking Manelito’s accent)A…piece…of…paper!

Manelito – Si Senior.

Lance – Did you do this?

Manelito – What Senior?

Lance – Write on this goddamn paper.

Manelito – No senior.

Lance – (furious) Does this look professional?

Manelito – (acts puzzled, even though he knows what the word professional means) Pro-fesh-ill????

Lance – (yelling) Professionalllll!

Manelito – Oh Chico! (means Oh boy!).

Lance – Who’s Chico?

Manelito shakes his head.

Lance – One of the cooks in the kitchen? He won’t save you.Does this look professional? (Lance angrily pulls the paper placard taut with his hands and puts it right up next to Manelito’s face. Manelito steps back).

Lance – Who did this?

Manelito - (shakes his head) Quien es? (Who is it?).

Lance (shouting) Who did it?”

Manelito – Me no know senior.

Lance – You no know? Why you no know?

Manelito – How me know senior? (Manelito points to the writing on the placard).

Lance – Yes it says Muhammad Achmed Chubasi. Did you write this to play a trick on me?

Manelito – Who me senior?

Lance – You’re Manelito.

Manelito – No, who me?

Lance – Yes you!

Manelito – No senior.

Lance – (snarls) Get out of here!

(Manelito starts to leave. Lance grabs his arm)

Lance - No get out of here, I meant you’re lying.