February 15th, 2016
Washington DC- The long-awaited autopsy results of Supreme Court Justice, Antonin Scalia have concluded that the 79 year old conservative icon died of a broken heart over the weekend at a hunting ranch in West Texas.
While the cause of death was not immediately known and early reports were unsubstantiated, its is now clear that a deep, profound sadness overtook Scalia and ultimately led to his demise. While it is impossible to say, many suspect the recent breakup between the Justice and his long-time, secret boyfriend Paul Shane played a large part. In one of Scalia’s last tweets, he references Shane and his desire to go to the Shafter Texas ranch to “clear his mind.” While the tweet indicated that he was feeling good about the breakup, many now have doubts.
Paul Shane recalled the good times shared between himself and the late Antonin Scalia in a recent interview on the island of Ibiza. “Oh, he was great. We would take road trips, go on picnics, it was awesome,” he remembered fondly. “We were together for a long time, almost as long as he was Justice. He was a very generous lover. In the end we just grew apart. He started wanting a way more serious commitment then I was ready for and he started getting super clingy.”
These recent developments paint the portrait of a very complex man who was at the same time a staunch conservative idealist who fought back against liberal voices in the Supreme Court, and a very sensitive, passionate gay man. While broken hearts are extremely common, only a handful of people actually succumb to the condition every year. Mutual friends of both Paul Shane and Scalia are shocked but not surprised. The death of Scalia and whom will be his successor will be a divisive issue in an already extremely tense election year. How the candidates seize upon this opportunity may very well determine victory or defeat.