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Published January 13, 2009

I woke up this morning. I had my coffee.  I got in the car and drove my 12 mile commute to the office. 

Walking up the flight of stairs to my office ( I take the stairs, because I sit on my ass all day.  I also return shopping carts to the corral at the supermarket, and attribute my waistline completely to that.  If we all returned the cart we'd all be in better shape.) I say hello to Al from across the hall.  We shoot the shit, and make fun of Caroline Kennedy for a few minutes, then off to work. 

I check my email.  Apparently I have 6 messages on Facebook....

I've been on Facebook for about two years now.  I'm not into it.  It sort of creeps me out.  It's like this strange etheral monster hiding in the internet and it feeds on your time. 

I only have eight facebook friends. 

People that I lost touch with keep sending me offers of friendship, and all I can think is  "But, I lost touch with you. We ran out of things to say.  One day I woke up and really felt no need to call you, talk to you, or even send you an email.  We lost touch, because there was a huge uncomfortable silence in out mutual acquaintance."

They keep friending me though, or, at least attempt to.  I hit the 'ignore' button waaaaaay more than 'accept'.

I have work to do.  I do my work.

I get another message from facebook.  The monster is upon me.  I click 'accept.'

Wow.  Ted is a fan of the Yankees!  I like the Yankees.  I 'fan' the Yankees.

Nooooooo.  Get off facebook!  Get back to work!

I get back to work.  I'm having a nice cup of Earl Grey tea.  I check my email.

Someone wants me in their facebook Gangster Battle?  Sure!!!  I log into facebook.  I join the gangster battle.  I break into a virtual home.  I commit a virtual robbery..... 

LOG OUT!  Don't let the facebook monster eat your time!!!!!!!!!!!

Whew.  that was close.  I logged out.

I log back in.  I take a movie compatibility test.  One test tells me I should get divorced (just kidding hon, but the test did suggest it.)  I'm a freakin genius at 80's TV trivia.  I can get 100% on any Tim Burton quiz in under 105 seconds.  I have hundreds of high school and college classmates on facebook.  Its soooooooo cool.  We can catch up!  I wonder what they are all doing?  Who's married?!  Who's divorced?!  Who moved away?!  I was totally nominated for "nicest person on the internet!"  I totally deserve that, because I am!

I send Zombie hugs out to the ENTIRE class of 1993!

Shit.  It's 5 o'clock.  Quittin' time.  I turn my computer off.  My monitor goes dark.  I see my reflection in it.  I realize, I AM THE MONSTER.  I am the monster of facebook.  I AM THE MONSTER AT THE END OF THIS BLOG.

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Damn it.

I wonder if anyone has replied to my friend requests?

<!--[if !supportEmptyParas]-->

 I turn my computer back on.
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