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May 30, 2011

untrue account of Arnold disputing time-travel rumors while considering a Presidential bid.

Movie star/politician Arnold Schwarzenegger dismissed rumors yesterday that he sent a robot back in time to make changes to mistakes made in his past and to improve his political status.

At a press conference in which Schwarzenegger said that he is forming an exploratory committee for a potential Presidential bid, which he says he has not yet decided on, he answered a reporter’s question about his time-travel activities by calling the allegations “absurd.”

“Trust me, if I could travel in time I’d have done something about you getting press credentials,” joked the six-time Mr. Olympia bodybuilding champion.

The TOTAL RECALL star, whose birth certificate says he was born in Chicago and whose indisputably rock-solid marriage to former broadcaster Maria Shriver has lasted 25 years without the faintest hint of indiscretion has long hinted and joked about a possible presidential bid. The rumors that he was planning a run have become more common since finishing his full term as California’s chief executive and leaving the office in the hands of incoming governor and fellow Republican Tom Selleck.

Recently, however, the rumors of Schwarzenegger using his vast wealth and connections to interfere with the fabric of time itself have given many of his supporters pause, despite a lack of solid evidence to support such allegations.

Most rumors center around Schwarzenegger’s investment in Syvertine Systems, an engineering concern with a considerable research and development facility and budget. Syvertine has allegedly produced both time-travel machines and cybernetic organisms capable of traveling through time to make adjustments to the past that benefit rich customers in the present day.

One such rumor, which Arnold’s camp has vehemently dismissed, is that the actor sent such a cyborg back in time to kill and take the place of his father in Austria a couple of months before Schwarzenegger’s birth in 1947, and then moving the family to America just in time for Arnold to be born on U.S. soil and thus be eligible to run for President.

Other sources say that the PREDATOR star may have sent similar cyborgs back to the late 1990s for unknown purposes.

On second thought, none of the above happened or has even been rumored.

Acknowledgements to the works of Harlan Ellison.