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June 03, 2018

You know the famous ones, but do you know the non-famous ones? Here are their stories.

Rock ‘n’ roll music has produced some great personalties, but do you know about their brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, nephews, nieces and cousins? Didn’t think so.
Here are some popular figures in rock ‘n’ roll music, and their lesser-known siblings whom you didn’t know.

Rick Jagger: Mick’s brother; works construction; wrote an album called “Browntown,” featuring the songs “I don’t know how to wipe my butt” and “Butt stuff.”

Bill Collins: Phil’s cousin; athletic trainer; prefers the cover version of “In the Air Tonight"when getting pumped up for a workout; thinks Genesis was better with Peter Gabriel.

Saul McCartney: Paul’s uncle; fisherman and local D.A.R.E. advocate; met Ringo Starr a few times, but didn’t really get the whole "Yellow Submarine” phase; not vegan.

Meryl Crow: Sheryl’s sister; communications director for residents interested in leaving Las Vegas; didn’t appreciate Sheryl’s song about how a change would do you good; uses a lot of toilet paper out of spite.

Molly Parton: Dolly’s aunt; cashier at Walmart; prefers psychedelic folk to country music; smokes tons of weed; kicked out of Dollywood for gambling.

Cher Boudreaux: a distant Cajun relative of Cher; everyone in Breaux Bridge gives her the benefit of the doubt because she makes great gumbo; thought “Moonlight” was a sequel to “Moonstruck.”

Ron Henley: Don’s brother; really hates the Eagles; drinks Coors original; tends bar at Bill’s Blues Room; thinks “Boys of Summer” is a load of bullshit; known to throw glass bottles at the jukebox when it plays “Desperado”; makes an excellent ham sandwich.

Todd Stewart: Rod’s long-lost cousin; active on Tinder with the tag, “If you think I’m sexy…”; close to 80 years old, but still wears leather pants; has appeared as an extra in episodes of “NCIS: Los Angeles” and “Blue Bloods.”

Benny Kravitz: Lenny’s cousin’s son; traffic controller in Houston; started a Facebook group called “Are you gonna go my way?”; plays a mean air guitar; no one wants to tell him that he wears too much cologne.

Dora Jones: Norah’s sister; clerk at Spencer’s and part-time dominatrix; favorite color is blood red; thinking about trying cannibalism; started a metal band called Norah Sucks, whose debut album “Come Away With Me … to Hell” was shelved.

Vicki Minaj: Nicki’s aunt; retired; loves to sow in her rocking chair; goes to bed at 7:15 p.m. each night; doesn’t understand rap music and wishes Nicki would get a real job; her favorite movie is “Forrest Gump.”

Rob Dylan: Bob’s nephew; intern at Rolling Stone; threatens music critics with a knife if they don’t give his uncle a five-star review; shops at Whole Foods; often asks people if they know who he is; think’s his uncle’s Christmas album is underrated; contemplating writing something with Jack White.