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139 Funny Votes
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Published July 08, 2011
More than a few years ago I ended up living at home with my parents at the age of 37.  So being stuck in a small NE Georgia town I got bored and antsy.  So I decided to try and meet some women online.  After posting ads and answering emails I met this one lady who was divorced and was interested in hooking up.  She was a middle aged woman with grown kids working class, former military.  We decided to get together and have lunch which ended up in vacant parking lot with her giving me a blowjob. In braod daylight.  Nothing like being afraid to have an orgasm because you’re constantly looking over your shoulder for the cops!

As time went on we continued to have our hook ups.  Then one day she asked if I wanted to go to a party with her.  I figured why not?  Its just a party. I asked where the party is and she told me it was at a hotel. I thought it was odd but I’ve heard of people having parties at hotels before.  I asked what kind of party it was and she hesitated at first.  She finally told me it was a sex group party. At that point my brain split in two.  One side was Dan Akroyd and the other was Jane Curtain in Point/Counterpoint.  Point: You have no idea who these people are and you could possibly go to jail. Counterpoint: There could possibly be hot women there to have sex with and this is one thing off the bucket list.  Counterpoint won.  She gave me a link to the groups email list so I joined up and got the details.  All the while I was doing this Point kept shouting common sense to me like someone yelling at me from down a hallway.  “You’re gonna get shot you dumbass!!”  But I didn’t listen.  All I could think about was the bucket list.  And possible blowjobs by hot women.

The night of the party came and I was nervous as hell cause Counterpoint had brought a bullhorn and was firing at me like crazy. “Doooooon’t dooooo iiiiiit!!!”  “You’re not sexy enough for an orgy”  “They’re coming to get you Barbara!” (not sure where that one came from) The party was in Atlanta and I was over an hour away.  So I hit the road to Atlanta.  If all else failed I had friends I could run to and crash.
So I pull up to the hotel and I’m sitting there plotting my every move before going in.  Now this wasn’t exactly my first time in a sketchy place.  I had hit a few massage joints in my time so I was hip to the essentials.  Stuff like leaving my wallet in the car.  Only take my money, ID and keys.  Gotta take the ID in case the cops roll in.  (God I hope the cops don’t show up!)  I finally get out and look for the room.  Counterpoint is practically walking in front of me poking me in the chest.  I press on.  I get to the door and it felt like a year before I knocked.  Right before I knocked it all was clear what I was about to do.  I was about to go to a sex party with a bunch of strangers.  Shit…oh well…*knock* *knock*!  I hear a bunch of talking and laughing which made me wonder what kind of sex party this was.  Too much talking meant not a lot of sex.  Maybe there were a bunch of unattractive people there.  Impossible!  Everybody knows sex is only for attractive people!!  Finally the door opens and a woman greets me.  She couldn’t ask me why I was there cause that would just be stupid.  I tell her my name while trying to figure out how she could be at a sex party cause this woman was rough looking.  I quickly scanned the room out of fear when all of a sudden I hear, “Hey Chelcie!!” I’m so glad you made it!!”  Finally a familiar voice!  I look over and it’s my friend Sue who invited me.  We have a brief conversation and she introduces me to the lady who opened the door as the one who formed the group.  Sue goes on to introduce me to most of the other people there.   I tried not to make eye contact.  Now this conversation between Sue and I went on for about 5 minutes.  All the while I never let on that I was quite taken aback by the fact that from the moment Sue called my name she was on all fours on top of an ottoman getting fucked doggie style by some weird, sweaty black guy that looked a lot like the same guy who had changed by wiper blades 2 weeks prior.  It was at that point I knew this was going to be a really weird night

After that eye opener, I decided to cruise the room.  It was a big suite.  It even had an upstairs.  There was sex pretty much in the main areas.  Sue of course was the main attraction downstairs.  That was obvious because there was a couple sitting on the couch just watching her and the guy try to fuck each other.  The guy was kinda having a hard time keeping his balance due to him wearing nothing but tube socks which caused him to lose traction on the carpet.  There was a rollout bed a few feet away with more people sexing it up. And there was another set of people upstairs in the bedroom.  I decided to do my usual and hang out by the food where it seemed to be safe and people watch.  Actually I was trying to figure out who might be a cop.  After looking the room over I realized that all of the women in there were overweight. That makes sense.  Who else would have a sex party with friends and strangers AND serve food?  A bunch of chubby chicks who needed witnesses.  Most of the guys were pretty normal looking but there were a few that I made sure to stay away from.  Mostly the brother in the tube socks.  I thought he was one I didn’t need to get close to without washrag or a sponge.  That is until I saw a man that looked 70 yrs old, naked and wearing a cockring slowly come down the stairs.  Now I didn’t know whether he left on his own or he was asked to get out but seeing that old dude made me think that there was really something I needed to see in that room.  Then again maybe he was really young when he went up, then….nah!  So I’m still looking around and I happen to look upstairs and this very, VERY large woman is looking at me.  5 minutes later a guy comes down and tells me that the lady wanted me to come up stairs. Shit…I’ve been requested.  What to do?  So I say I’ll be up in a few minutes.  My friend Sue had finished her session and came over and asked if I wanted a blowjob.  “What th’ heck?! I said  This other lady comes over and asks if I had ever had two women give me a blowjob.  I said no and agreed for them both to do it.  We’re on the bed and they’re both going at it.  It was great!!!  One off the bucket list!!!  Now here’s where I messed up.  Nobody told me about sex party etiquette.  I didn’t know I was supposed to tell the ladies when I was going to cum.  So I just did it.  Well this lady got pissed.  I apologized but apparently it did no good cause she left the party.  I was sorry but then again c’mon.  You’d think that has happened before and besides, in the immortal words of Super Chicken “You knew the job was dangerous when you took it.”
After that shameful event, the fat lady was looking for me again.  So I went upstairs and there she was…spread out all over the whole bed…naked.  I was actually fearing for my life.  She told me she hadn’t seen me before and I said I was new.  She told me I was cute and really wanted to do me.  All of a sudden I felt like an addict or something “just one more and I’ll quit fat women forever!”  She did her best at a blowjob but I can imagine with all the movement, having your mouth full of penis and carrying that girth around, she was pretty winded.  After she realized that I wasn’t possibly going to cum with her in my sight, my friend Sue finished me off.  Once that was over I had to get out of there.  I bolted for the door.  Just as I was heading out, two new guys came in.  I could have sworn they were cops so I ran like hell.  Once I got to my car I let out a very loud scream and drove back home.
Sue and I kept in touch but eventually lost contact.  I recently texted her to see how she was doing.  She’s well and we caught up a little.  I couldn’t bring myself to bring up that party though.  That party was one off my bucket list I would gladly give back.  The moral of the story?  Fat women like sex just as much as thin women.  But I’ll be damned if I’ll give it to them ever again. Damn you counterpoint!!! Did it just get cold?
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