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Published June 09, 2008 More Info »
1 Funny Votes
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Published June 09, 2008

Ali Lohan is Lindsay Lohan's little sister. She is the 14 year-old spawn of Parents-of-the-Year Dina and Michael Lohan. I recently saw a picture of Ali Lohan that made my head spin.

This is a picture of a 14 year-old girl. Lemme write it one more time: she is 14 years old. Not 34 or 44. 14. There is no doubt that she is a beautiful girl. Those Lohans have some good genes. (Unfortunately the same genes that provide shiny hair, adorable freckles and sparkling eyes tend to like cocaine and driving while drunk.)

I just can't get over the fact that this kid is 14. She looks like she's twice divorced with a step-daughter. She looks like she should be leading a "Parents without Partners" meeting. She has the same intense eyes as someone who has battled a diet pill addiction. But how!?! She is 14 years-old.

There is no doubt in my mind that Ali Lohan, age 14, is hotter than I am at my current adult age. I have a lot of hot friends that have kids and Ali Lohan is more of a MILF than they are. But for the sake of a fair comparison, this is a picture of me when I was 14.

Note the lack of make-up or hair extensions. Note the side-ponytail (I did it myself). Note the braces and the pixelated Scotty dog sweater. I agree, this is a pretty dorky picture that screams "future comedian.  But shouldn't 14 year-old girls look more dorky than hot? I know I am being old-lady-no-fun for saying that, but a 14 year-old girl looking that smoking just doesn't seem natural. But then again I may just be jealous because Ali Lohan is way hotter than I am.


***

Also, Phil Jackson is a douche bag baby.  I just had to say that.  I would love for Boston to beat LA in four games just to see that fat face cry.


That is all.



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