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April 26, 2010


Hi there folks this months subject might be a little taboo to some of you even people that really like me and my humour don't like this word.
This word holds with it a power . A power that can make you sometimes feel like a superhero and proving that your not a sit back and let it happen person ,and then sometimes it can chill
your very bones and make you feel like your just as bad as an uneducated 20 something yob or chav .

So what is this word i hear you cry ( well i don't really ,that would be strange if someone just walked past the house shouting "Junior Whats the Fucking word".
Well its not Shit,Piss,Fuck,Cockfucker,Motherfucker or Tits . Now the some of you may notice they are 6 of the seven words you cant say on tv by the genus that was George Carlin 
(if you've never seen it here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_Nrp7cj_™ and for those who are saying to themselves  were they've seen him before he was rufus in bill and Teds excellent adventure)
But the one word that still has the most power that rules over them all like an evil sadistic king that whips his servants  himself for fun. So why does the word CUNT have this power why is it so taboo
and why the fuck do i love to say it and why i cant stop calling everyone a cunt when i'm really drunk. 

I was once coming back from a gig in glasgow and got the last train back to falkirk and as you'd imagine it was pretty full with people even sitting on the floor at the doors ,and me in a very drunken state
pointed at 6 people around me in concession and called them all cunts .Luckily 2 of them were my friends one of them was a wannabe SMP neil Lamettie  who has also made an Italian tartan but really all he does is own a chippy in Camelon of all places.
And luckily two of them ignored me . But one gentelman who seemed just as drunk as me came up to me and put his arm over my shoulder and said "what did you call me" in a little confused stunned voice .
As i was a long way sobriety i said without a moments hesitation "Cunt your a cunt" but by this point my friend (for  the purposes of this well call him mushroom or shroom even though they are his real nicknames,we wont get into that here it involves an ass,a tattoo gun and a bunch of evil minded friends)
Shroom told me afterwards he thought i was going to get into a fight, which for me is bad both me and Shroom know i cant fight well i don't know if i can its been years since i've  thrown a punch and even then they were shit when i did( i feel obligated to say shroom can fight) .
A little bit of tension seemed to gather before the guy said "Naw your a cunt" i then said "were both cunts" we then drunkenly hugged and off he went on his merry drunken way home .

Luckily what both us forgot is that 10 mins earlier we had been talking to the guy outside the train station while having a cigarette  

Now in most cases i would have had the shit kicked out of me i think we can all be agreed on that but that doesn't seem to change anything with me in a drunken state and the strange intrigue i have with it like a three year old that wont let the cat go until the cat turns on the kid and gets mauled to death.Now with having this intrigue i have thought about this quite a bit (maybe a little too much as you can tell about the size of the blog sorry about this hopefully you'll like it though) the first sensible conclusion i came to was the 'Evil T' this is based on the idea i had about the construction and pronunciation ( look i used i big boy word, god that doesn't exist thank you for spell check) put simply try saying this out loud 'CUN' now as you'll see its not offensive it nearly is but stopped before the power of the T .Now say 'CUNT" out loud you'll hear the difference the power of the T it brings it to the abrupt stop bringing with it a sort of aggressive edge .Now there is a few problems with this CUN is not a word at least not in any english dictionary not even the american-english it is however a chinese word for a unit of length . The other problem i found was one word ,another offensive word, one with the evil T,one that even men the same thing . Yes the word twat , it has all the same attributes but doesn't seem to have the same reaction that cunt does . It most common meanings for both words are " A womans private area" (for the sad people who havn't learnt to read or have never been to school first of all well done for getting this far and the private area is "that place were babies come fi " as vie heard a 15 year old say).

So why is this please i really want to know your opinions on the matter what makes this word different from others? really think about it and all it is is a fucking word ! 

So thank you if you have read all of it even better if you've enjoyed it as i do understand this is a bit boring this month but its an inset to my head i like to think its a bit Stephen Fry-esque except without the big fancy words , the funny and intellequal metaphors and the ability to type at a decent speed , infact  its nothing like Stephen Fry . So goodbye and until next time .Keep an eye on your pie, that is so shit a catchphrase even Boris Johnson would think its bad .