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December 11, 2009

In my earlier, alcohol-fueled, Hollywood years, I loved two things more than anything else:

The first was getting hammered at this hip little Hollywood bar called Daddy’s Bar & Lounge which was located on Vine, between Hollywood and Sunset -- that is, until it was recently torn down in favor of building a giant shopping plaza/condominium apartment complex. It should also be noted that I got more action out of Daddy’s than any other bar in Hollywood and it had my favorite bartender in the whole wide world -- this gorgeous brunette with a giant rack and these sexy leather go-go boots.

The second thing I loved more than anything else was harassing whatever celebrities I was lucky enough to cross paths with -- which have included Max Wright:

…Henry Hill:

…and Gary Busey:

One of my more memorable celebrity harassment moments, coincidentally enough, happened at Daddy’s and involved brooding character actor, Jeremy Sisto:

Jeremy Sisto has appeared in many films and television shows, but you might remember him best as Brenda’s younger, psychopathic brother, Billy, on HBO’s Six Feet Under.

And at this time, I should point out that in addition to seeing Jeremy Sisto at Daddy’s, I had actually already seen him a few times before because we both had gym memberships at the Hollywood/Wilshire YMCA

Other notable celebrities who also had gym memberships at the Y included Bob Odenkirk:

…and one of the Chinese guys from Deadwood:

So anyway, I was at Daddy’s one night -- absolutely hammered on vodka redbulls -- and Jeremy Sisto strolls up to the bar next to me and orders a drink.

I immediately screamed out loud, “Jeremy Sisto! What’s up, brother!”

He smiled politely and said, “Not much. Just getting a drink.”

I then said, “Hey man, I’m a big fan of your fucking work!”

Jeremy Sisto smiled again, “Oh, really? That’s nice. Thanks a lot.”

“You're fucking crazy in Six Feet Under! Are you really that fucking crazy or is that just an act??”

“No, it’s just the character I play. He's not real.”

By this point, Jeremy Sisto was hating my guts and all he wanted to do was make eye contact with the sexy bartender so he could get his drink and leave. I grabbed his shoulder and said, “And hey, I love the movie Grand Canyon, too!”

I confused Jeremy Sisto with that one. “Grand Canyon?”, he asked. “Really? That’s an old one. Most people don’t know I’m in that movie.”

For the record, Grand Canyon is a great ensemble movie starring Kevin Kline, Danny Glover, and Steve Martin. Jeremy Sisto played Kevin Kline’s teen son, Roberto.

I then go in for the harassment kill and say to him, “And you know what, Jeremy? We both work out at the YMCA.

Jeremy Sisto looked concerned, “We do?”

“That’s right, Sisto! We’re gym buddies! GYYYYYYYYYYYYMMM BUDDIEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!!!”

After that, Jeremy Sisto ran off and I blacked out.

And I completely forgot about harassing Jeremy Sisto until about three days later when I was running on a treadmill at the YMCA. Jeremy Sisto walked into the treadmill room and started running on a treadmill right next to me.

All of a sudden, all of my drunken memories from the other night rushed to my head and I remembered being a complete fucking asshole to Jeremy Sisto. I tried to look away and hide my face with the towel around my neck, but it didn’t matter -- Jeremy Sisto remembered who I was.

He turned to me and said, “Hey after I’m done running can you come spot me as I bench?”

I was so confused, all I could say was, “What??”

Jeremy Sisto smiled and said, “What’s the problem? I thought we were gym buddies??”