Keep up your resolutions, focus on your vision boards, and escape into these wonderful tweets that have nothing to do with politics. You got this.
you idiots are still droolin over tide pods? Bruh there's free cotton candy in ur walls and it's free pic.twitter.com/ugTF3tdayI— Nick (@thcmoonman) January 17, 2018
I found a copy of Sheryl Crow's calendar. Fascinating pic.twitter.com/Mse26I1H7E— Michael Wants Nazis Banned Everywhere (@Home_Halfway) July 27, 2017
i carried around a wii remote today when i went to a frat party pic.twitter.com/3olFk0Qhn1— anna g (@annakathh) January 16, 2018
"Oh, we're $16 now."— Mark Magark (@markedly) January 17, 2018
I’ve done heroin stop expecting me to be impressed that your restaurant serves corn-flavored ice cream— Daley Haggar (@d_haggar) January 17, 2018
Me when I jump to conclusions and end up being right pic.twitter.com/hvt1KTMSqf— Bradley Sell (@BradleySell1) January 16, 2018
I continue to be taunted by my grandfather's killer pic.twitter.com/YRVQvjcP7U— Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) October 15, 2013
If it is twenty degrees out but feels like eleven degrees then it is eleven degrees out.— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) January 14, 2018
Scariest dog I’ve ever seen pic.twitter.com/cLuM4FjBxG— Jamie Underwood (@Jamieunderrwood) January 15, 2018
ME: Alexa, am I drunk?— Jon (@ArfMeasures) January 12, 2018
TUBE OF PRINGLES:
Ah, shredded cheese. The glitter of dairy.— Beverlicious (@blade_funner) January 9, 2018
My little sister has an obsession with cutting the faces off baby dolls/stuffed animals and putting them on other dolls. Help pic.twitter.com/Q6xzeg2fzw— katelynn (@sassykattx) January 15, 2018
Ever wonder what a baby emu looks like while playing with a dog pic.twitter.com/a64oSocnDS— Awkward Animals (@SoVeryAwkward) January 12, 2018
[uses "nevertheless" to pole vault out of a paragraph]— Michael Jay McClure (@mjmimages) January 16, 2018
i feed my son he is becoming powerful pic.twitter.com/9PBE1oFaZu— debo (@killmefam) January 14, 2018
[Me, blowing a gasket]— no great matter (@BringDaNoyz) August 31, 2017
GASKET: A little less teeth, babe
My sister was tryna make a Snapchat video and a fucking roach flew on her face I'm fucking dead lmaoooooo pic.twitter.com/YW1dTJypKA— Chloé (@clodeineee) January 18, 2018
me, pointing gun: this is a robbery. give me the combo to the safe or ill blow your head off— eric turtle (@dubstep4dads) January 19, 2018
bank teller: ok its.. its.. its my birthday.. it’s 11, 07..
me: wait, are you a scorpio?
me: wait me too haha whatttt
teller: lmaoo omg u totally seem like one!!
See ya next week. Hope you’re feeling ~