Groupon is selling a clip-on man bun, which you can buy in a variety of hair colors for just $9.99. But how do you know when you need a clip-on man bun? This simple tool will help you decide whether the situation calls for a clip-on man bun or not.
When you’re recruiting people to be in your indie band/food collective/artisanal coffee shop/green movement/[fill-in-the-blank hipster thing]
Clip on that man bun. Duh!
When you go to the movies.
Clip on that man bun! Nothing says “I like blocking your view of the movie” like a big pile of hair on a man’s head for no apparent reason.
When your girlfriend is about to break up with you.
Clip on that man bun! It may make her momentarily question her decision to break up with you because you look so sexy, but popping on a fake man bun will distract her from your inevitable crying. Bonus: your clip-on man bun will also come in handy when you need something to sop up those tears and blow your nose into.
When you’re going to the beach.
Clip on that man bun! Everyone knows that the only thing that would have made Point Break better is for Keanu to have been wearing a man bun. Don’t make the same mistake Keanu made, and pop on that man bun! Note: you may think that a long, flowing wig is the correct answer in this situation, but it will just get wet and tangled by the temperamental sea. A man bun will clip in place and stay put!
When you have a big presentation at work.
Clip on that man bun! Who can say no to a man with the confidence to wear a man bun? That’s a man who will get things done! Plus, a clip-on man bun is pretty useful when you need to erase a mistake on the dry erase board. Attaboy!
When you’re watching football and getting beers with the guys.
Clip on that man bun! Impress your best buds with the fact that your hair is long and luxurious enough to wear in a man bun. They will definitely compliment you, but will never guess that it’s a clip-on. Score this extra point: if you’re wearing a sports cap, that man bun will fit perfectly in the semi-circle where your hat’s adjustment band is. Hip hip hooray!
When you attend your grandfather’s funeral.
Clip on that man bun! Funerals are one of the few times a year where all of your relatives show up in one place. When your family asks what you’ve been doing with your time — after all, your girlfriend did just dump you — show them you’ve been using your time wisely to grow out your hair. Plus, your dead grandfather will surely be jealous since dead people can’t grow their hair anymore. You win!
When you’re eating an ice cream cone.
DO NOT CLIP ON THAT MAN BUN UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. Ice cream scoops and man buns look way too similar.
When you’re getting a haircut.
Clip on that man bun! Do you want your hairdresser to think you’re a fucking idiot who cuts his hair when it’s only an inch or two long? No! Clip on that man bun and make your barber really work for those $12. Bravo!
When you’re getting interviewed by your local newspaper about man buns.
Clip on that man bun! The only way a newspaper will be able to write a dumb trend piece about your man bun is if you’re wearing one. Hot tip: towards the end of your interview, clip off your man bun, and really blow your interviewer’s mind. Now she can write two trend pieces — one about man buns and one about clip-on man buns!