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President Obama pleads with Republicans to put their conservative values aside and move deadly hurricanes to California.

WASHINGTON-In a statement released last night, President Barack Obama has urged members of the U.S. Congress to pass a new bill that moves those disastrous East coast hurricanes across the country to the West coast in order to help combat the devastating forest fires of California. “It is absolutely imperative that I receive cooperation from both Republicans and Democrats alike, despite our party’s bipolarization on this matter, ” said an adamant Obama, adding that although these natural disasters seem wildly uncontrollable, if we [Congress] could just set aside our differences for once maybe we could really make some progress.” While Republicans recognize the relative benefit of President Obama's plan, they argue that, given the country's increasing debt and stagnate employment rates, timing isn't right. "Look, when your family is trying to save money you don't go out and buy a new 56" plasma TV" Republican Congressman Mitch McConnell said, "This is an important issue, but we have to get our spending under control first. Only then can we discuss transcontinental hurricane transportation.” Despite repeated denouncements from leading climate change experts who cite the 'impossibility of exerting any control whatsoever over hurricanes', politicians on both sides of the aisle remain optimistic. "Oh, we stopped listening to [scientists] a long time ago" said McConnell.

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