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May 09, 2016

Having fun with the old rejection letter most of us can paper our walls with.

Oh my holy God! Sweet Jesus! Thank you, thank you for your recent submission. I’m slightly woozy.

Pure unadulterated genius! You sir and or madam are the greatest writer the world has ever seen. You know I’m glad Shakespeare is dead. If he wasn’t he would burn all his manuscripts, sit in a public square with a bag over his head and on his backside would be the words “Kick me-Kick Will here-in the rear.

As I turned the pages the lightly literally shone so brightly I had to put on a pair of sunglasses. Then another, then another. I was wearing 3 pair just to keep my retinas from being seared with your brilliance. (But I got a nice tan).

I, Barney Weaselnuts, am a very straight man, but sir, I welcome your sodomization. I welcome sodomization by your dog, your cat, your goldfish.
I honestly believe your work could transform the world. Bring crops to barren lands, regrow hair on barren heads, and make E.D. sufferers shoot all the way to the moon!

We are prepared to offer you 1 million dollars per word if this is acceptable to you. If you don’t sign with me I shall walk head on into spinning chopper blades. I’ll draw up the contract right n…

Oh shit my boss just walked in. Oh how I hate that big self-important bastard! He says thumbs down! Well sorry, nothing I can do. Take it up with my boss, Will Farrell. He lives in a big gaudy mansion at 123 Penispuller Lane, Beverly Hills 90210. BTW, every Wednesday at 2:30 he picks up dry cleaning at Cheap-As-Dirt Cleaners-563 Adolph Hitler Blvd. Cologne, Germany.