Dear Guinness World Records,
I am writing you again, as it seems you have not had the opportunity to respond to my other letters. Again, I am writing in regard to my potential World Record of Most Cats Stacked. If you have received my other messages, you already know that I have accomplished that which I believe no man in recorded history has done before me. I have successfully stacked fourteen (14) cats, one on top of the other, in what my personal research indicates is an entire seven (7) cats over the previous record held by Boris Chesnokov, and recognized by the National People’s Records of State-Owned Accomplishments in 1967.
Now the ask, as it were. All I need from your organization is to send a member to observe, document, and award my accomplishment. Everything should be in order. While technically my mother’s cats, I am the one who was able to stack them, and only need for you to verify that I have stacked a record fourteen cats. Please send out your very best, as I want there to be no questioning my record’s authenticity. Perhaps your tallest man would do. Perhaps he could be wearing a well-fitting suit, and look a bit like Hugh Grant.
I am at the same address, as Mother is ill, and I have taken to caring for her. She doesn’t need constant attention, just having someone there for when she does need me is what comforts her. It is with the downtime that I took to stacking cats. Initially, I started small. Just two cats stacked. Once I perfected the method on a small scale, my natural attraction to uncharted territory got me to where I was stacking nine, even ten cats, and still looking to go higher.
Mother loves cats. Growing up, we had a family cat, Chester. Dennis, my brother, as you know, used to pick on Chester all the time. Dennis never liked cats. I would protect Chester. We would both climb on top of the refrigerator and hide. I feel that this early understanding of the nature of cats is what has helped me stack them later in life. When Father left, we got more cats. Some are still around, and others have come into our lives even later, after the illness set in. Dennis lives in Sacramento now with his wife, Amanda and their children, Lucas and Erica. I do not want Dennis to receive any credit in this cat stacking record. This was carried out by me and me alone. Dennis lives in Sacramento.
I eventually got to ten cats with ease, but needed more. I made sure Mother was comfortably napping, then headed down to the local shelter where I quickly adopted four more cats. This would successfully double Mr. Chesnokov’s previous record. With a little more time, and a lot of patience feeling out the personalities of these new cats, I was able to get to the point where I felt comfortable writing you about my fourteen (14) cats stacked. Again, this is a world record, as confirmed by my own research on the internet. When you receive this, or one of my previous letters, please send only your best to verify. Any day during the week is good, however I volunteer at the church on Wednesday nights.