Ricky Rebel, Britney’s former opening act, has a really cute face. Sometimes, you want to shrink him down, turn him into a parrot and feed him crackers all day because he is that adorable. He also has a new music video out. BY NICOLE RUSSIN-MCFARLAND
When your stylist walked in on that time you were having sex, did you explain it was work related?
Yes. Now she knows how “hard” of a worker I am. I’ve since had her replaced. I can’t have a stalker stylist on my hands again. That’s just way too much drama. Hello, “Basic Instinct” anyone?!
Because that’s how everyone ends up getting featured on Funny Or Die profiles: the FOD journalism casting couch. It’s not like I was thinking of making you my regular. Your live in stylist “friend” has nothing to worry about.
Good, let’s just keep it between you and I.
What’s up with you peeing near trees like a toy dog?
It’s a freeing experience peeing in public. Even dare I say, Rebellious. Sometimes, I like to do it while performing my now infamous Rebel Leg move that I execute on red carpets. Admit it, you’d try it too if you could. Oh, and, to be fair to the tree, it was a big bushy one.
Are you not aware Tinkerbell the Chihuahua died?
Yes, I’m aware. I think Tinkerbell’s legacy will carry on in her episode of Southpark. That one is a classic.
Paris Hilton could kidnap you for her new purse item.
I could only hope so! Tinkerbell did a Guess campaign, had her own book and did The Tonight Show. I’d like some of that please. Guess, Warner Books and Jimmy Fallon, are you listening? Plus, Paris is “Hot.”
You recently told me after we made out during the interview pre-screening, “I forgot my underwear for a show so I had to wear my female violinist’s satin monkey thong.” This is exactly why I decided to study classical music as a kid. Because when you play flute or really any instrument, most of the time is spent on non-musical activity with your orchestra mates. And in some states, depending on age of consent laws, your music teachers.
Playing the flute? Is that what you call it?
Yeah, why do you think flutes are conveniently shaped that way…and most people playing flute are female? Anyway. Why are your pants splitting at all of your shows?
I guess my pants just can’t handle me. When I perform, I like to open my legs as wide and as often as possible. My crotch and ass are so active, they’re usually on fire. They need air to breathe.
Why is there so much glitter involved?
If I were Madonna I’d say “Next question”, but because I’m Rebel I’ll say, “It’s called Glam-Pop! Hello?!”Plus, I use glitter to make my mark and make sure everyone remembers me. Have you ever tried getting glitter off of anything? It’s impossible.
Performing stark naked wearing only socks?
That’s very Red Hot Chili Peppers of you. Do you mean just socks on my feet? Well, that’s a new one. I’d consider that.
May I ask: do you know anything about me?
Yes, I know that you are hella talented, a great kisser and you’re making a movie.
Really, I’ve been working so hard on my first movie, I have sudden amnesia. All I know is my movie, the plot, the many filming locations. I don’t even know my own gender anymore. How can you help me?
Maybe you’re experiencing gender fluidity. When I forget whether I am a boy or a girl I always just reach down and grab my balls. Then I’m reminded about how much I like having them.
I ought to pose the same identity crisis question to you. Are you Adam Lambert’s twin?
No, how dare you, we are not twins. We are just born on the same planet, PLANET GLAM. Although, lately, Adam has turned in his glam card for his supposed-straight-guy GQ card, but I will gladly carry the glam torch from here on out.
I only remember one minor detail about myself. My biggest life fear is developing cankles. What’s your fear?
I think my biggest fear is developing love handles. That’s why I workout like an animal.
You know, some days, I sit back and can’t believe how talented I am. What about you?
I know, it’s like that moment when you look in the mirror and realize “Damn, I’m amazing, the talent Gods have definitely blessed me.” When I break up with people, I make sure that the last thing I say is, “You’re never gonna meet someone more talented than me.” I just like the way that sounds.
For example, today I was thinking about how my first film soundtrack is available on iTunes and how it’s so unusual that a cute girl such as myself has the orchestra composing genius brain of a John Williams or a Hans Zimmer. Do you know how rare that is amongst females?
I wish there were more of you out there.
Now tell me, how many times a day do you know you’re really talented, and how so?
There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about it. If there’s one thing I know about myself it’s that. Speaking of talent, I’ll be spreading mine (and not to mention, my legs) all over the world to promote my new record the “Star (Remixes)” album and my new music video to “Star (Hector Fonseca & Tommy Love Tribal Dub).” For more information visit my official website: http://www.RickyRebelRocks.com.
RICKY REBEL embarked on a solo career after My Chemical Romance invited him to co-star in their “NA NA NA” and “Sing” videos. In 2012, he won the Artist of the Year at the RAWards and released the “Manipulator” album featuring the hits “Geisha Dance”, “Get It On”, “You Need a Woman” and the title track. MTV’s “Good Vibes” also featured music from the album. In 2013, “Geisha Dance” spent ten weeks on the Mediabase Chart, the chart that powers “On Air with Ryan Seacrest”. Now, Ricky takes to the stage with band members Alyson Montez, a Grammy-winning violinist, and drummer Robert Platz, with his new release, “The Blue Album” mixed by Claudio Cueni (JLo) with remixes for the “Star” single by world-renowned DJs Hector Fonseca (15 Billboard number-one hits for artists including Beyonce, Katy Perry, Sia), Casey Alva (Billboard number-one hit for Erika Jayne) and Tommy Love. In addition, Ricky recently played with Grammy-winner Mya, The Psychedelic Furs and is also a fashion contributor to Us Weekly (Circulation 2,000,000).
NICOLE RUSSIN-MCFARLAND is making her first movie ever as a film director: The Eyes of Old Texas, co-produced with the only man to ever beat Bobby Flay on Beat Bobby Flay, Mr. Brian Tsao…an animated film featuring cool cameos from Food Network TV personalities. She enjoys any profession where she can be somewhat mean and rude and get away with it…or get away with teasing people. Celebrity chef on the rise, music composer and someday in the future, being a hot in demand music producer like Pharrell. Additional high profile modeling campaigns would be nice. So far, she has only done dumpy modeling like appearing on a drug store hair dye box and getting her hair damaged as a result. Visit her website at OfficialNicole.com, or get forwarded there via NicoleRussinMcFarland.com.
Watch Ricky’s video for his single, “Star!”