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With Funny or Die’s new show premiering tonight at 9pm on the Discovery Channel, we’re here to answer all your burning questions! Let’s check our YouTube comments!

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Ah ha! What a lovely question. Lots of people think American Muscle is about automobiles. It is not. It’s a TV show about a small gym in Michigan that trains a ton of big name athletes. Now, I know what you’re thinking YouTube commenters… you’re thinking of calling me a homophobic slur. But you can’t blame a show for having the word “muscle” in it when it’s actually about muscles. The word “muscle” means muscle. That’s why it’s that word. That’s like blaming a show called “Trees” for being about a tree instead of about weed, just because you want to watch shit about smoking weed.

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Thanks for the comment, Joshua. I’m glad you take your health so seriously. Healthy living is very important. One small concern though… Your trainer sounds boring as fuck. Our trainer doesn’t just hold a cup of his own piss. This dude drinks it. You know who else drinks their own pee? MMA fighters. And Bear Grylls. And kids who are into bubbling which is when you pee into your own mouth. So fuck off Josh’s trainer and probably fuck off Josh, too.

You know what? I’m going to ask my own questions. Josh ruined this thing for everyone.

Hey FOD: Why the fuck are you making a reality show?

Why the fuck are my own questions as angry as yours? That’s the question I want answered. And our reality show is a good one. Those used to exist. Remember Deadliest Catch? That shit was good. Just think of American Muscle as the Breaking Bad of reality shows. Except replace all the meth with professional athletes.

No seriously, FOD. You made Honey Boo Boo in a gym.

It’s the exact opposite of Honey Boo Boo. But fuck you if you wouldn’t watch Honey Boo Boo in a gym. That shit sounds hilarious. I’d pay good money to watch Mama June throw up her spaghetti and ketchup dish all over a rowing machine.

Fine, I’ll play along. You’re all about celebrities. Anyone famous on this? (makes jerk off motion at the answer guy)

That’s very rude. But yes! There sure is! Richard Sherman, Ndamakong Suh, Deandre Jordan, Rashad Evans, Baron Davis, and Shawne Merriman to name a few.

OK. But I don’t like sports. I’m an indoor kid.

Well what would you say if I told you that there were some cute babies and maybe a puppy or two in this? Is that something you might be interested in?

Did you just make a fucking Entourage reference?

Ummm… Yeah?

Oh YEAAHHHHHH!

Does every article on this site have to end up just shitting on Entourage for a while?

Oh YEAAHHHHHH!

Alright, my inner monologue is as worthless as your YouTube comments. Just watch the show. I’m done. Discovery Channel, tonight at 9pm ET, you inbred assholes.

Oh YEAAHHHHHH!

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