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Published September 26, 2008

Giving Casey Anthony a Run for Her Money

Jim McPartland

www.funnyordie.com/jbmcpart

 

Easton, CT 9/26/08

Ashby Dickenson, of 15 Morehouse Road in Easton, CT was charged yesterday with first degree manslaughter in the death of her 7 month old son from an incident that occurred 8/5/07.

It seems Ashby, her 26 year old female friend Daryle Adams, and Ashby’s 60 year old mother Charlene Ashby were having a ‘Girl’s Night In’ that August. I should point out that anyone who names their kid ‘Ashby Ashby’ should send red flags o’ flying before even leaving the hospital after birth.

Police went to the house after a call reporting a baby ‘in distress’. Upon arrival, police discovered an unresponsive Nathaniel lying on the floor of his room with a wet shirt on. The child was pronounced dead.

Dickenson and Adams said they’d passed out after taking cocaine. Charlene said she’d ‘fallen asleep after drinking wine’. Charlene later admitted she’d woken up and found the baby in a tub of water with her daughter’s wet clothes next to it.

Adam’s young daughter was there, but not harmed. I guess Daryle just didn’t feel like taking a narcotic influenced dip with her kid.

It gets worse.

Dickenson is now 6 months pregnant.

And her lawyer said the trial ‘should be delayed until after the birth because it would be stressful’.

This is almost too much to fucking digest at once.

So we have the 3 Amigos splurging on coke and vino with crying children in the background. Probably digging Fried Green Tomatoes. As the buzz kicks in- the noise lessens- the jealousy of Julia Roberts heightens- and before you know it Dickenson says “What time is it? It’s morning? Fuck, I feel like shit. But, hey, I’m clean! Aren’t drunk baths fun! Hey, Daryle, into some morning blow?”

“Mom—can you get me some dry clothes? And a glass of merlot? Mom—Mom??”

Like the Anthony story, the fact Charlene Ashby enabled her daughter to live- then AND now- the lifestyle of sex, drugs, and let’s-make-kids-and-worry-about-taking-care-of-‘em-later makes me want to drown her in a tub.

And all I can think about is sterilization.

The fact your body works and can bear children does not give you the right to have them if you’re mentally ill or chemically dependent- I don’t give a fuck what Sarah Palin says.

And I wouldn’t limit it to just irresponsible potential parents. Child molesters also get the ‘works’ put out of commission.

Is there really a religion that thinks these people should have more kids? How ‘bout we try to take care of the millions abused and uncared for before we add some more?

Sometimes I just want to park in front of these houses (this one is only about 3 miles away) and see if I can entice them to come out offering drink, drugs and sperm. I’d then mosh them like the bugs they are and throw them in the bathtub.

Do you think her lawyer would consider THAT too stressful?

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