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May 13, 2016
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It all starts with an issue like “gender neutral bathrooms,” but before you know it the whole system is in danger.

President Obama recently issued guidance to schools across the U.S. on making bathrooms available friendly towards students who are transgender or gender nonconforming. Among other things, schools that refuse to abide by the new regulations may not be eligible for federal funding. Okay Obama–what’s next? A reformed education system?

It all starts with an issue like “gender neutral bathrooms,” but before you know it, the whole system is in danger. Making sure transgendered students feel comfortable and safe at school is the first step on slip n’ slide going straight down the side of a very smooth mountain. Before long you’ll see this progressive fog ominously spreading throughout every arena. What could be next?

  • Increased Federal Funding for Education - We’re going to see MORE tax dollars going to schools & invested in children. Ick, no thanks.
  • Improved Access to Technology - So American children can compete in the economy of the future? Unacceptable.
  • Improved School Supplies - Kids who can’t afford school supplies might find that the school actually supplies them with the things they need. Can you even imagine this nightmare?
  • Healthy School Meals - Michelle “Hitler” Obama has already started shoving carrots down kindergartner’s throats, but it’s gonna continue in a steady parade of delicious, nutritious food supplied to children in need at little to no cost. What a freaking racket.
  • Affordable College Tuition - You’re looking at a generation of kids who will start living free from the crippling shackles of college loan debt, because they’ll have access to no-interest loans and be subjected to lowered state college tuition. Can someone please save us from that garbage-filled hellhole?

Next thing you know our school system will be the envy of the whole world–a leader not just in test scores but in character-building. We’ll be teaching our children values like compassion, understanding, and multi-layered thinking.

Furthermore, American school children might leave their education with the knowledge that race, religion, sexual orientation, and gender identity have nothing to do with morality, but are simply arbitrary distinguishers assigned by a society obsessed with labeling the intangible.

I didn’t have anyone catering to me, and I turned out just fine. Sure, there’s my sense of constant, deep-seated rage, but it’s always an amazing to direct it at other people and blame them for my problems. Kids today should have to go to school the way I did: scared, full of dread, and hoping that their teachers and classmates don’t discover the unique beauty that lies deep inside their hearts.


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