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September 14, 2009
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Dear Kanye, I couldn't help but notice that you were so lit up on Hennessey and so desperate for some attention that you had to make yourself big on a sweet, little teenaged girl. I know that it is difficult for you to wrap your big, fat head around the concept of other people (not to mention the nuisance it must be to cram it through door ways and cram it up your ass), but most people never make it to the VMA's, Grammy's, People's Choice Awards, etc, and those of us on the outside have sung our share of "Hopelessly Devoted To You" into our hairbrushes and made our acceptance speeches into the thin albeit applauding air. When someone is gifted enough, talented enough and lucky enough to get that moment that most of us only dream of, they deserve to have their say. You may have elected yourself as the messenger of what is "best", but Taylor Swift did NOT elect herself for the award, it was presented TO HER by a show that was not exclusively about what "Kanye considers relevant" as the show was not produced, directed or in any other way a property of yours as you were a mere guest. Might I suggest if you want to make unilateral decisions about handing out awards that you produce your own fucking show to hand out your "Kanye's" (I'll let you imagine what would be brassed on that trophy), that way you can celebrate your opinion with yourself since you are the only person whom you seem to impress anyway. You should think about the fact that had it been Rihanna who won, or Pink, or Lady GaGa that you would NOT have even tried that shit. How pathetic is it that Taylor Swift had to share her first ever VMA win, as an excited, sweet and extremely gifted young lady, being interrupted and flagged off by the likes of you? Beyonce certainly didn't appreciate it, so who were you doing it for? For the relevance the award? Might I also suggest that since it is your impassioned belief that Beyonce has made the best video of the last ten years that you box up any and all VMA's that you have won for the past ten years and mail them to her, since you are of the opinion that no other contribution to music is relevant or meritted even a moment's consideration in the glow that is Kanye's review of Beyonce. Taylor was much too stung and hurt, quite frankly, by your actions to respond, but since I don't give a shit about you I can tell you what I would have said once you handed the mic back. I would have said "Wow, Kanye! If you really wanted to get your picture taken that badly, I'm sure that Mary Hart could've fired up the ET photo booth a few minutes earlier for you. Although, usually she only does that for people that have sold over 2 million records this year and I guess that's not you."
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