Received today from JAMES "LOSER" BLUNT - a one hit wonder!
Reply-To : email@example.com
Sent : Friday, May 19, 2006 3:20 AM
Subject : Live@London Hyde Park - Saturday 24th June
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Don't miss James Blunt in London this summer
OH GOD - I HAVE TO MISS HIM BECAUSE I LIVE IN COLORADO AND HAVE A JOB - MY LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME! BOO HOO for MEEEEE! wah wah wah )
Saturday 24th June 2006
LONDON Hyde Park
27 & 28 June Stirling Castle *
30 June Harewood House *
01 July Blenheim Palace *
(I CAN'T SEE HIM ON MY BIRTHDAY? I SHOULD JUST END LIFE NOW )
02 July Leeds Caste *
* SOLD OUT
(This guy plays at a lot of palaces because all the queens love him and his whiny-ass mushy music.)
ONLY ONE SHOW NOT SOLD OUT!
(of course all but one are 30 seat venues )
This summer sees James Blunt play in the fantastic setting of London's Hyde Park (to allow the public to escape - hey it's a park for chrissakes! not a lockdown at the rec center! ). This truly is a fantastic opportunity to see James headlining a fantastic summers day of live music which includes sets by Beth Orton, kings of chill-out Zero 7, indie legends Eels, and loveable newcomers Nizlopi (WHO? ).
(EVERYTHING IS FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC IN THE BLUNT MIND OF JAMES ).
(I think he should take a clue from that last name there and smoke a few Blunts then his music might not be like Bon Jovi lite. (Edit: For some reason Brits love that monstrosity of a song "Living on a Prayer". shudder! They have no idea for the most part who Eddie Van Halen is...sad really. )
And to keep you further entertained (Entertainment? What, he entertains like a performing monkey - cool! ) there'll be an acoustic performance space, chill out areas (I NEED NO "AREAS" TO CHILL OUT ), side shows (CARNIES!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!! ), markets, world food caterers and street theatre (READ: MIMES!! ). A great day out for friends and families and all within a stone's throw of home.
HEY, I DON'T LIVE IN THE UK YET MO-FOS. (edit- okay I do now ) AND WHEN I AM THERE I WILL BE IN ABERDEEN, SCOTLAND - MORE THAN A "STONES THROW" FROM FREAKING HYDE PARK! (edit: still can you imagine getting this sort of e-mail and being some hick from Zanesville, Ohio [named after the famed author of western yarns, Zane Grey, methafackas! Brit for muthafuckas - gotta remember their accent man] Yea - I'm going to fly over to England with this exchange rate just to see that ass James Blunt - NOT! )
So whether you spend the whole day in the park, or join us after a spot of lunch and shopping (I HATE HATE HATE SHOPPING!!! ) make sure you don't miss out and book your tickets today.
WIN A PAIR OF TICKETS
(piss off James Blunt)
WHO TOLD THIS WHINY GUY'S WEBMASTER THAT I CARED? SOMEONE SIGNED ME UP AS A JOKE DIDN'T THEY - HA HA, very funnay muthafuckas (I use an American accent even after living here for so long unlike poseurs such as Madge and rich celebrities who have no real life).
As for James "Asswipe" Blunt, he is NOT beautiful and I am sure he doesn't think I am either - the ass. (edit: doubly true now that we KNOW he screwed both those pathetic losers Paris and Lindsay; shuddering continues )