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Published November 23, 2011 More Info »
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Published November 23, 2011

 

Recall that the Loser Sisters were teenagers when their Mother passed away.  We decided to tackle the first Thanksgiving dinner after she died.  What were we thinking? The following are hard learned lessons from past Losersister Thanksgivings:

  • BUY PRE-CUBED BREAD:  Per tradition, we dried out a few loaves of bread and cubed it the night before.  Easy, except the Loser Sister was home from college and spent the night out at a bar with her friends. Sharp knives and drinking don’t mix.  Spend a little more and spare your fingers.
  • STAY SOBER:  Cleaning out the turkey carcass is better left to those who are not hung-over.
  • GET THE BIRD WITH THE POP-UP TIMER:   This feature would have spared the Losersisters angst and embarrassment.  We didn’t know “which end was up” on the turkey.  We roasted it upside down, with way too much butter.  The meal was a greasy mess.
  • KNOW YOUR GIBLETS:  They may look gross, but giblets add flavor to the stuffing and gravy.  This time it probably would not have made a difference since the drippings had the taste and viscosity of motor oil.
  • TIMING IS EVERYTHING:  The mashed potatoes were simultaneously watery and lumpy, and way too salty.  It’s important not to overcook or over salt the spuds. 
  • THINGS TO HAVE ON HAND:
  • Fire Extinguisher:  The kitchen was covered in a film of grease.  It oozed from our pores and soiled our matching aprons and babushkas.
  •  A Tried and True Recipe:  The one thing the Losersisters got right was the lime Jello-Mold, or “Slime.”   Always a crowd pleaser.
  • Libations:  Wine, and lots of it.  Nothing cuts the grease and dulls the senses like some bread and carafes of vino.  Your guests may think it’s the worse Thanksgiving dinner ever, but will not remember it.  They’ll recite the Losersister mantra:  “We will spill no wine before its time.”
  • LAST BUT NOT LEAST:  Graciously accept a Thanksgiving invitation.  Don’t forget to bring the Slime.   

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Heed these Losersister tips for a bountiful Thanksgiving.         

Good luck and Bon Appetite!

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