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August 14, 2008


The answer of course is- who knows he's too busy screwing his mother out of her last dime. Sad but true. In a recent poll(conducted by me) Internet Gurus topped the list of most mistrusted and hated individuals. Beating out terrorists, lawyers, Satan, reality television, and Al Gore by a landslide. Although Rush Limbaugh ran a close 2nd. Where do these people come from? Is hell really that full? Why would these people grace us with their money making secrets? How do these bottom feeders make it into our inbox's? Plus what mother in her right mind would name her child Yanik? Although I must admit he probably deserves our support. After all going through life with a name like Yanik has got to be considered a disability. Think of all the ass-beatings he has had to endure. True not a disibility that social security would pay for. So he definately needs your help. Think about it. If your in a position to hire, and 1 of the canditates is named say Bill, and the other named Yanik. Who you going to hire? So gainful employment is out for him. Send your dollars now. Otherwise Mr. Slick Weasel will probably bilk welfare out of millions. A commodity you might need if you send these Gurus your money.

Do any of you know the great secret nobody has ever shared before? Of course not its a secret. The secret these Gurus share is how they made millions bilking money out of half-wits. They then promise to sell you this secret for a price most half-wits have just lying around. This then will give you the opportunity of going on a half-wit hunt. The object of course is to find somebody on the internet with less sense than you have. You think to yourself this should be easy- after all we've all been in a chat room right? Besides you know that you can sell at least 1 of these half baked programs to your less than intelligent friend Bob. Yes we all have one of these friends. We pal around with them to make us look smart. The same way we hang around people fatter than ourself in hopes of looking thin. If you've ever purchased more than 1 program from a Guru. Then guess what? Starts with half ends with(your ahead of me aren't you?) wit.

The latest fad on the internet is this. You recieve an e-mail from one of these mental midgets. This e-mail goes on to tell how this Einstein has purchased thousands of these half-baked programs. None of which worked. But through a convienantly placed link he has provided. He will show you a program that will work. Guess what? Yes this person is dangling somewhere far below half-wit status. First of all he has just admitted he's been had more times than Brittany Spears. Secondly he is asking you to send your hard earned cash so you can embark on a hunt for people with an IQ somewhere above plant life. Yes you say we know they are out there. After all as stated above we've all visited a chat room right? The problem here is to find someone with an IQ this low means they will probably join your half-wit program, however will never be able to follow the directions to send the money.

If you have ever made any money off one of these half-baked internet Guru scams. Then you know way more half-wits than me. If you've ever gotten rich from one of these Guru programs. Then congratulations you have found a whole army of half-wits. No easy task. You should consider running for congress or at least have your own reality based T.V. show. Perhaps you should consider joining the Sierra Club. Another army of half-wits at your disposal. Just put an eco-friendly sticker on what ever half-baked scheme your selling. They will buy it up faster than a bake sale at a Jenny Craig convention.

If you fail to see the humor here then guess what? Starts with half. If you have your picture posted on some Gurus web-site. If you've ever written lengthy testemonials extolling the virtues of some Guru. If you've started your own web-site directing people towards the light of the one true way to make millions. If you have maxed out your credit card to get rich. If you can't figure out the secret. I hate to be the one to spoil the ending. The secret is if you send these Gurus your money. They will show you how they got rich. Which is they got rich off of finding people like you. Who will send them money. If any of these apply then pay close attention. My name is hootnhowell I've bought thousands of so called Guru programs. I can show you the ones that work just sign up for my newsletters or just send me your personal check. I will show you fortunes your half-witted brain could not imagine. They of course will be in my bank account, but I'll show them to you. If you can do all this then you too can be a Guru of the Dain-Bramaged wishing to be rich. If you've enjoyed these ramblings of a fellow half-wit then please feel free to visit my blogs at http://www.hootnhowell.blogspot.com/ and feel free to also click on any of my endless money making oppurtunities you might find there.