This is an open letter to The Creative Group Denver employees concerning my referral for help with job placement and your screening policies and procedures. The Creative Group, according to your website, “…specialize in placing experienced creative and marketing professionals in rewarding positions with a variety of firms. Our Account Executives are former marketing, advertising and creative professionals who know the business – and your marketplace – and can provide you with just the right talent for your requirements.”
My recent conversation with your company went like this:
The Creative Group Employee #1: What are you doing now?
Me: Contract work.
The Creative Group Employee #1: Oh, this is the wrong division for you. You are supposed to get the contract division, not full time employment.
Instantaneous Transfer to The Creative Group Employee #2
Me: Hi, um, so unless you have a full time job, you cannot get placed with a full time position through The Creative Group?
The Creative Group Employee #2: Correct. “Only the people who are the best at what they do get placed in full time jobs.” Also, because of XYZ, it is “a catch 22” so it would be hard to place you. We’ll see you Friday.
Nice job on the hazing, Creative Group! So what happens at hazing level 2, do you punch me in the face as I walk in the door?
I get it. You want to refer “mirror image” professionals to positions. This is what companies want, and you care about those high paying corporate clients. But you know what I care about? I care about the dignity of many people like me who are looking for employment, quite possibly through no fault of their own, such as when entire divisions are cut from companies. And even though you can funnel us through your phone tree with your trademark unmitigated cruel fuckery like cattle hearded to slaughter, it does not mean that your unmitigated cruel fuckery is actually ok. It isn’t.
It’s not like my letter will really matter. After all, I’m an underemployed nobody with few connections, and I’m not worth anything. In contrast, your parent company Robert Half International Inc. is a corporation with over 350 offices worldwide. Last year your revenues grew from $3 billion to $3.2 billion, which might not seem like a big jump on paper, but your bottom line growth doubled in 2010 as a result of your reduction in the percentage of sales devoted to cost of goods sold. That means that your employer profited twice as much as the year before by cutting expenses. Hey wait a minute. You, as an employee, are actually an expense to Robert Half, right?
We all know that once companies see a financial and operational maneuver such as this cost reduction work, they are apt to do more of it. But no worries for you. As illustrated on page 4 of the Robert Half International Inc. Annual Report, the company is thriving. All the Divisional Highlights are right there! Let’s see, Accountemps showed “accelerating growth”…OfficeTeam grew 13%…actually 5 of 7 Robert Half staffing divisions’ accomplishments are boasted. Wait, where is The Creative Group? It looks like they forgot to mention you in annual highlights. That’s weird… But they do add something about big increases in international non-US staffing, which has doubled over the past 5 years. Eeew. So ok, maybe that does not sound so good for you.
I also could not help but notice The Creative Group Denver currently has 7 positions posted in the Denver area, where I’m searching for employment, while the Robert Half IT, Legal, Finance and Office/Admin divisions all have around 40 positions listed. Ding, ding, ding! I think we have an under-achiever. “But I’ll be fine,” you say. “Robert Half is a giant corporation with many opportunities for a recruiter such as myself to execute unmitigated cruel fuckery.” Um, well, I realize that you have some valuable skills in this area, however, I’m sorry to have to report that your Creative Group unmitigated cruel fuckery, and Robert Half Technology unmitigated cruel fuckery, while similar, are not the ideal “mirror image” experience they will be looking for.So it looks like you, my Creative Group employee friends, are going to be out on your ass within 12 months.
Oh, and I’m cancelling our meeting. Because I have more productive things to do than meet with The Creative Group. I will search positions on Talent Zoo and Mediabistro. I can refresh my resume on Monster and CareerBuilder. I can research professional organizations and send my resume to applicable members. There are lots of things that are better use of my time than to meet with you, like watching Nyan Cat videos on YouTube while eating Cheetos and Peanut Butter Cookies. Creative Group employees, take notes. You’re going to need them.