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January 09, 2011

A list of things my significant other, Rose, won't let me do. These are things I've either done, suggested, or have been dared to do before getting immediately shot down by Rose.

1. Watch 'Hostel' with my four year old
2. Follow the homosexual relationship option in Dragon Age: Origins 'just to get the achievement'.
3. Use a Brick to mount a nail. 
4. Use my computer as a counterfeiting machine for her less than legal friends.
5. Charge our roommate in 'pesos' for rent just to give them a taste of home. 
6. Pretend to be a widowed father to pick-up chicks when I take my baby boy for a walk.
7. To pick-up chicks period. 
8. Test if our children are allergic to something by immediately exposing them to it.
9. Use 'It was a good idea at the time' as an excuse for anything.
10.Run a cock fight...anywhere.
11.Use our slip-and-slide to make a profit from the kids where we live. 
12.Yell 'Imigra!' around our apartment complex for kicks.
13.Try to capture a squirrel for a pet.
14.Change the channel during the grand finale of any novela on after 7PM. Before 7 don't matter too much...
15.Say "Maybe we can work something out" when someone comments "Ohhh I sooo want one" after seeing my baby.
16.Giggle while I'm sitting on the couch by myself doing nothing at all.
17.Buy a large pack of bids on Swoopo because I'm feeling lucky.
18.Pretend to kidnap my oldest son in a crowded department store.
19.Hold my breath until I pass out because we're out of pringles and she won't go get any.  (this one's more of a self-conservation thing)
20.Get a monkey in place of a child just because Jeff is doing it.
21.Wear the Burger King Crown while eating inside the restaurant, at home is fine.
22.Try to out balloon the balloon animal guy at Texas Roadhouse.
23.Play tag with strangers. (not so much an issue anymore since I'm not really able to run like I use to)
24.Challenge another Dad at the park to a Best-Kid Off. (Mine woulda won natch)
25.Set anything 'from stun to kill'.
26.Make a smoke ball.
27.Ask what's happening in the novela she's watching.(This one's more of something I won't let myself do again.)
28.Threaten to call the abuse hot line whenever she smacks me for doing one of the previously listed items.
29.Scream "There could be only one!" whenever there's one of anything.
30.Challenge 10 year olds to a Yu-gi-oh duel. 
31.Blame ghosts or my son whenever things just happen to fall over and I happen to be in proximity to it.
32.Stay up all night to capture said ghost and have them return the fallen item back to its position.
33.Use the excuse of capturing a ghost to play video games all night.
34.Say that whatever coworker or friend she's arguing with may have a point and she might have blown things completely out of proportion even if its true.
35.Say that I'm going to go to visit my cousin in the hospital and then go see a movie she wanted to see with said cousin.
36.Run interference while my son gets a treat he's not allowed to have.
37.Tell the church people who come and visit that "she's a little busy sacrificing something in the back, but you can leave the magazine."
38.Duct tape my baby to my older boy, and then duct tape the two of them to me to form a Mega-Rez.